Autopsy time! Scully cuts the plastic mask off the dead guy's face. He is, indeed, the missing security guard, and he's been shot in the chest. "His body was staged post-mortem, just like the others," Scully says. Doggett and Moronica watch her snip, snip, snip. Just imagine, for the rest of his life, whenever he smells formaldehyde, the SortofAlienMiracleBaby will think of his mommy. Moronica asks about the whole "Prince of the Apostles" thing. Scully says it's a reference to St. Peter, who was also crucified upside down. I learn so much watching The X-Files! So much cheerful information! Apparently, the Satanists adopted this crucified-upside-down thing "to mark the power of the Anti-Christ." And Moronica thinks this is proof of...oh, God, forget it. I can't force myself be to be interested in this at all. Let's turn our attention to the action figures while the rest of this scene plays out, shall we? When last we visited my tiny plastic friends, the Scully was still fairly peeved with the Mulder about the whole Mulder Runs Out On Scully and the Baby Events of the season premiere, especially on top of the Britney Spears Yoga Misunderstanding. They'd been doing a lot of yelling, but now it seems as though they're not even speaking to each other. The Harry Potter doll acts as liaison between mother and father. The way it's going, the three of them are going to be in Action Figure Family Therapy before the end of the season. In fact, just now, I found the Scully sitting on top of my jewelry box, crying into a discarded Dentyne wrapper. "Where did we go wrong?" she sobs. "It seems like just yesterday that we were skinny-dipping in your bathtub! What happened to the summer of love, Jessica? What happened to our love?" "It never went away," pipes the Mulder from the shelf below, where he's been exiled during this separation. "How can you say that?" the Scully yells back down to him. "Because I'm right here," he yells back, "loving you! I never stopped! Never!" I reach down and pick up the Mulder and place him on the jewelry box next to the Scully and tiptoe away. I mostly moved him to stop the yelling, but also because I think...well, let's just leave them alone, shall we?
So, how've you been? That's great. I've been pretty -- oh, the rest of the scene? Right. Right. Moronica blames the devil. Doggett thinks Kobalt -- who's in the loony bin because he ground college girls up for fertilizer -- is "a trickster." Scully doesn't have an opinion. Seriously, she says, "I don't have an opinion." Because she's just given up. On her life. As this terminally dull scene concludes, Moronica runs off to prove to Doggett that Kobalt can help them and Doggett and Scully just look at each other wearily. "Why did I sign on for season nine, Robert?" Scully asks. "Money," he tells her.