Episode Report Card
Jessica: C- | Grade It Now!

Quantico is so convenient for Scully! She can teach a class, and then go cut up a couple of dead bodies over a couple of brews before she heads home. Moronica drifts down the hallway toward the autopsy bay, and stops before the window, watching Scully talking animatedly to Doggett. I was trained as a professional lip reader, so I can tell what they're talking about, even if Moronica can not. Scully's saying, "You can't let Walter treat you like that, John. Your relationship needs to be a priority!" And then Doggett goes, "I know. He's so consumed by work, I can barely get his attention." Scully's all, "You are preaching to the choir, girl," and then Moronica walks in.

"What'd you find?" Moronica asks. Doggett turns and tells her that they can "rule out the Exorcist after all." Scully's found adhesive residue on Ma Doomed's mouth and face. She was taped, bound, and shot. "Her husband shot her. He was tricked into it," Moronica intones, after a flashback of said event. I don't know if this is just a run-of-the-mill flashback, or if Moronica is supposed to be having some kind of psychic moment. Scully exposits that she found fingerprints on the man. "They held him down. Shot him in his chair," Moronica intones yet again. Look, writers, is she psychic, or not? Because that wouldn't necessarily be bad. I mean, look at Passions. One of their main characters is always having visions, and while said character is really extremely annoying, and whiny and mopey, it certainly is funny to watch her talk to trees and scream about the burning hot fires of hell, hell! And if there's anything missing on The X-Files this season -- other than, you know, a coherent explanation for Mulder's absence -- it's a little humor. Think about it: even the scariest, most serious episodes of times past brought at least a little bit of the funny. Even when Scully's dying, for Pete's sake, we got a little Lone Gunmen action. The only fun I'm having this season I've had to make myself.

Anyway. The case. Scully tells Moronica and Doggett that the snakes were purely symbolic. They were sewn into the body post-mortem and by someone with surgical skill. Scully recites this information as if by rote; her mind is elsewhere, it seems -- maybe wondering if she remembered to tell Mulder to preheat the oven before he put the casserole in, or thinking that her books are overdue at the library. "But there's something else. Something you're not saying," Moronica announces. Do people really talk like this? I'm going to try it at the office next week: "But there's something else, Harvey. Something you're not telling me about the Johnson Proposal. Is it evil?" Everyone just stares at Moronica, looking pained. "I had the strong feeling that I was in the presence of evil," Moronica announces. Scully makes this "oh, Christ, not again" face, and Doggett bites his lip to keep from rolling his eyes. Doggett reminds Moronica that she was "called in" because Satanic cults are her forte. "Called in"? I thought she was on the X...you know what? Whatever. "And not once did I find anything to support evidence of Satanic activity," Moronica says. "I'm saying," Doggett grits. But, Moronica says, she never felt anything like she felt in that room. Ever! Scully looks exhausted, and Doggett opens his mouth to say something when his cell phone rings. He answers it, and walks off to the corner of the room to have a heated conversation with someone. Moronica gazes moonily at Scully, and asks if she's ever felt what Moronica is talking about. "I've felt things I couldn't understand," Scully admits. "Things I couldn't admit, even to myself." Moronica wonders how Scully handled that. Scully smiles and says that she learned to trust her instincts, and, also, she started having sex with the hot guy she used to work with. Confidential to Chris Carter: you and your writers? Try going to the Coffee Bean or something one of these days, and just eavesdrop on a couple of women. Because we're not all talking about our feelings all the time. Today, I've talked to three female friends. One conversation was about how college football needs a play-off system because the BCS just isn't working. One conversation was about...okay, shoes. The other was about journalism. All of these conversations involved the word "dude." I would kill to see Scully call someone "dude." So. Where were we? Right: Doggett comes back and tells the girls that a local mental hospital thinks one of its patients did in the Doomeds.

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