X-Files

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Daemonicus

"You're asking me if he was possessed? This is the twenty-first century, Miss Reyes. We stopped looking to demons a long time ago to explain mental illness," Sampson says sharply. Doggett looks more and more embarrassed. "I'm not really talking about mental illness," Moronica says, smiling apologetically. Doggett wants to die. He wants to die! Later that night, in bed with Walter, he looks up from his copy of The Corrections and moans that working with Moronica is going to kill him. Skinner just pats his leg, and smiles, and says, "Now you know how I felt about Agent Mulder." You know, I really like the way this show plays out in my head. It's a little more thirtysomething, with a dash of Passions for good measure. So, Sampson is called away at this point, and she leaves, giving Moronica a slightly dirty look. "You know, [Moronica], a room just came open," Doggett whispers in his partner's ear. Moronica reminds him that Richmond doesn't know anything about Satanism. "And that means he's possessed?" Doggett asks. "You explain to me how he commits a crime that's a perfect example of it?" Moronica asks. That's some faulty logic there, but I'm too tired to explain why. You can figure it out; you're all smart kids. "Agents," Sampson calls from across the hallway. She thinks they've found the accomplice: Paul Gurlock, a guard at the hospital who's now missing. Doggett asks to speak to the last person who saw the two of them together, and the three of them go walking across the chessboard floor.

Fade to woods. Guys in masks, walking through muck. With rope. Walking. Walking. Piano. Walking. More rope. The guys stop in a clearing and stare at each other. One takes a gun, points it at the other, and fires. It's like the Dirk and Ram scene in Heathers, where Winona Ryder is tricked into shooting both of them. Except with less gay paraphernalia.

Mental institution. There's a guy in a padded cell, perched on his crossed feet. He's meditating, or communicating with the netherworld, or something. He opens his eyes as Doggett and Reyes storm into his cell. Doggett introduces himself and Reyes. There's no response. Doggett explains that the patient in the cell next to Kobalt's (for that is Meditating Guy's name, although, knowing 1013, it's probably spelled, like, "Khoooblaght") escaped the night before and, because they shared the same guard, Doggett thinks he might know something. "Are they both of one mind, like a snake, eating its own tail?" Kobalt asks. You mean, like Scully's Mysteriously Disappearing Tattoo? Doggett makes a "huh?" face, and says that they need to stop this murderer guy before he, you know, kills again and all. "You're too late for that," Kobalt tells him. Doggett offers him federal protection if he helps them catch the killer. "We can protect you," he says. "Do you believe in the power of the devil, Mr. Doggett?" Kobalt says. "I believe that the devil's a story made up to scare people," Doggett says. "Then how can you possibly protect me?" Kobalt deadpans. Moronica blinks. Doggett looks pained. The guy who wrote The Usual Suspects groans. Don't these people know that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist?

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X-Files

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