Episode Report Card
Jessica: C- | Grade It Now!

Doggett and Moronica leave Kobalt's room. "Consider the source, [Moronica]," Doggett advises her. They leave.

Back into the woods. Into the woods! One of the Masked Guys washes blood off his hands, by the wan light of his headlights. He tosses the bloody rag onto the ground and gets into his car. Hushed, backward whispering fills the air. Masked Guy's masked face fades into Kobalt's. He's in a trance, or something, in his cell, whispering and staring at the wall. The camera backs out of his room, and into the hallway.

Chessman Mental Blah Blah Blah. Kobalt's been calling for Doggett. He's very agitated, Dr. Sampson says, and keeps talking about "the prince of the apostles." They've got him strapped down, but don't want to sedate him until he's been questioned.

Doggett stands over Kobalt's body and glares and glares. "He's speaking to me. Whispering in my ear," Kobalt hisses. Who? John Ashcroft? Brian Boitano? O.J. Simpson? "What's he saying?" Doggett asks. "He's killed again." Doggett purses his lips, and asks who the victim is. Kobalt doesn't know. "But I can show you," he says. Doggett looks thoughtful. Oh, please, even I don't buy that. It's obviously a ploy to get out of the institution!

Woods. Again. "You can't know what it feels like, being free of that cage, seeing the sky above," Kobalt waxes poetic as the guards haul him out of the squad car. Doggett's all, whatever, where's the body? Kobalt points, vaguely. "I can take you," he offers. "That's far enough," Doggett says shortly. "Take him back to his cage now," he orders. He and Moronica head into the woods. "Think he's making it up?" Moronica asks. Doggett snorts. "Yeah," he says. "Pretty convincing show back there," Moronica offers. Yeah, for dinner theatre. "Play-acting, [Moronica]," Doggett tells her. "Just because he's good at it doesn't make it true." In Doggett's opinion, Kobalt just wants some fresh air. He's "yanking [their] chain." Moronica heaves a sigh. "I don't think that's it," she says, gesturing toward the dead body hanging by its heels from a tall, tall tree.

Autopsy time! Scully cuts the plastic mask off the dead guy's face. He is, indeed, the missing security guard, and he's been shot in the chest. "His body was staged post-mortem, just like the others," Scully says. Doggett and Moronica watch her snip, snip, snip. Just imagine, for the rest of his life, whenever he smells formaldehyde, the SortofAlienMiracleBaby will think of his mommy. Moronica asks about the whole "Prince of the Apostles" thing. Scully says it's a reference to St. Peter, who was also crucified upside down. I learn so much watching The X-Files! So much cheerful information! Apparently, the Satanists adopted this crucified-upside-down thing "to mark the power of the Anti-Christ." And Moronica thinks this is proof of...oh, God, forget it. I can't force myself be to be interested in this at all. Let's turn our attention to the action figures while the rest of this scene plays out, shall we? When last we visited my tiny plastic friends, the Scully was still fairly peeved with the Mulder about the whole Mulder Runs Out On Scully and the Baby Events of the season premiere, especially on top of the Britney Spears Yoga Misunderstanding. They'd been doing a lot of yelling, but now it seems as though they're not even speaking to each other. The Harry Potter doll acts as liaison between mother and father. The way it's going, the three of them are going to be in Action Figure Family Therapy before the end of the season. In fact, just now, I found the Scully sitting on top of my jewelry box, crying into a discarded Dentyne wrapper. "Where did we go wrong?" she sobs. "It seems like just yesterday that we were skinny-dipping in your bathtub! What happened to the summer of love, Jessica? What happened to our love?" "It never went away," pipes the Mulder from the shelf below, where he's been exiled during this separation. "How can you say that?" the Scully yells back down to him. "Because I'm right here," he yells back, "loving you! I never stopped! Never!" I reach down and pick up the Mulder and place him on the jewelry box next to the Scully and tiptoe away. I mostly moved him to stop the yelling, but also because I think...well, let's just leave them alone, shall we?

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