X-Files

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I'm Monica! I'm Disgusting!

Makeup Guy: He's already good-looking. Besides, he's making enough money. He can gel his own damn hair.
Hairdresser: True, true. Okay, so I'm going to dye Annabeth's hair an unattractive and cheap-looking dark brown...
Makeup Guy: ...and I'm not going to put any color on her face at all.
Hairdresser: So even though we can't spend as much time with Gillian as we did earlier this season...
Makeup Guy: ...she'll still look fabulous in comparison!
Hairdresser: We're fucking brilliant.
Makeup Guy: Shit, we forgot about Mitch!
Hairdresser: He's not in this episode. All I have to do is buff the top of his head, anyway.

Carl Winslow takes Monica over to Jeb's desk. He hands her some "disturbing" glossy printed material he found in the top drawer. She eyes it, unimpressed, and then digs around in the rest of Jeb's drawers. Nothing. Monica explains that a killer like Jeb is usually pushed over the edge by a "stresser" -- something like a divorce, or losing one's job. "He was fired today," Carl Winslow breathes. Monica's like, there you go. What about the "devil pictures," Carl Winslow wonders. "It's Marilyn Manson," Monica says. "Marilyn Manson?" Karl Winslow parrots. "Your kids probably listen to him." Not if they have any kind of taste, they don't. Also, Marilyn Manson? In 2001? Hello, dated much? Anyway, Monica doesn't think these murders have anything to do with the Dark Lord. She tells Carl Winslow to "look into his gum," and sashays out to the elevator. She glances at Katherine Harris's arm, and then at the body itself. It turns all ashy and burned up, right in front of her eyes! She purses her lips.

The Mulder action figure pokes me with a hard plastic finger. "Are we getting a Monica to come live with us?" he asks. "Because Scully and I took a vote, and we're totally opposed. There's not enough room on the top shelf." I tell the Mulder that I don't think I could get a Monica if I wanted one

House of Scully. Her jammies are really flattering. Not to her body -- because she's hugely pregnant -- but to her coloring. I guess the costume people are in on the plan, too. She answers the door. It's Mulder. "I was just about to jump in the shower, but I was waiting for the pizza man," she tells him. "You got something going on with the pizza man I should know about?" he asks, smiling wryly. "The pizza man?" Scully makes her confused face "You were waiting for the pizza man to jump in the shower?" Mulder leans against the doorjamb. Banter, banter, she asks him inside, commenting that she feels stuck in an episode of Mad About You. Mulder points out the main discrepancy between their situation and that show, namely, that they aren't married. Also, I don't hate either one of them the way I hate Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt. Scully idly remarks that Mulder knows what she means. Which is that they might as well be married, I suspect. As she fiddles around in the bedroom, Mulder hides a gift under one of the sofa cushions. More pizza man banter, which is really very cute. I like these two. They ought to have their own show. Mulder points at Scully's belly. "The pizza man is not above suspicion," he comments. Does this mean that they've discussed the fact that Scully doesn't know who the father of the baby is? Or does it mean that they do know who the father of the baby is, and they're just joking about it? If they've discussed it, and they don't know, shouldn't they be more concerned? "I see," Scully responds, which really isn't a response at all. They grin widely. Scully looks at the sofa and spies the gift. "Nice package," she says. Mulder looks down and tries to keep a straight face. "Thank you," he smirks. Hee! "I love jokes about my giant man tool," the Mulder action figure says from his perch on my left knee. The Scully figure smacks him, hard. Mulder explains that he was going though his mother's things when he found this, and he wanted her to have it. Scully looks touched. Cue the arrival of the pizza man. Mulder opens the door, and sees a young, not-bad-looking guy. He turns around and gives Scully a very funny dirty look. "Give it to the man with the funny look on his face," she instructs the delivery guy, and waddles over to open her present. "That'll be $29.08," the pizza man says. "What'd she get on it, a tank of gas?" Mulder snarks, going for his wallet. Behind him, Scully gasps, and grabs her belly. Mulder rushes to her side, telling the pizza man to call 911. Here we go again.

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X-Files

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