X-Files

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Baby, It's You

Mulder and Doggett pull up outside Parenti's office. 8:57 PM. They leap out of Doggett's Manly Truck and bound inside. Mark Snow plinks out the same three high-pitched notes on the piano over and over and over again.

The boys find Parenti's lab door standing slightly open and the lock permanently broken. They call Parenti's name, but, of course, get no response. Three notes. Three notes. Three notes. The two of them skulk through the lab, guns drawn. I guess Mulder didn't have to turn over his firearm when he left the Bureau. Of course, this may be his own gun, although I wonder whether someone like Mulder could get a permit to carry a concealed weapon. No matter. Suspension of disbelief. If Scully can be pregnant for almost a year, Mulder can rustle up a firearm somewhere. Doggett and Mulder split up, and Doggett employs his main investigatorial skill, which involves pointing his gun at nothing and yelling the suspect's name. Walking, pointing, and calling. Walking, pointing and calling. I guess Mulder's doing the same thing elsewhere in the lab. Doggett, alone, enters the Dead Alien Babies in Jars room. Which is now called the Dead Alien Babies and Dr Parenti's Head in Jars room. "What the hell is that?" Doggett breathes. A small, grossed-out squeal of terror escapes me, in spite of myself. "Scared, is she?" the Mulder mutters from across the room. "She deserves everything she gets," the Scully replies. They simultaneously shoot me dirty looks.

Elsewhere in the lab, Mulder's basically doing his own walking and calling thing. Doggett yells to him from the other end of the lab, but before Mulder can reply, Billy Miles jumps out at him.

"Mulder, better come see this!" Doggett yells. So Mulder enters the lab. By flying through a glass wall and landing unconscious on the floor. I admit it: I squealed again. Billy Miles strolls into the lab through the hole made by poor Mulder's body. Doggett yells at Billy Miles to stop, over and over again, but Billy Miles just keeps coming. He leans threateningly over the unconscious Mulder, revealing the Wacky Alien Bumps on the back of his neck. He straightens up and heads for Doggett, who shoots him twice in the chest, to no avail. Doggett backs into the hallway, gun drawn, and waits for Billy Miles to come after him. After a moment, he pops back into the lab. Billy Miles is gone and Mulder is still unconscious on the floor.

Scully's House of Yuks. She's doctoring Mulder, who snorts in pain when she touches his wound. She puts her hand familiarly on the top of his head, as he makes some comment about her "manos de pietros," which I think means "hands of stone." In other words, her bedside manner sucks. Scully rolls her eyes. "Imagine if he'd really connected," Mulder muses as Scully finishes fixing him up. "Who?" Scully asks. "Billy Miles." Scully makes a concerned face and waddles over to the other side of the table as Doggett confirms Mulder's story. "The kid was wacked out on something," Doggett theorizes. "If you ask me, the kid isn't a kid," Mulder says. Scully hands him an ice pack and a washcloth from the freezer, which I'm sure she keeps on hand for just these moments. David Duchovny, by the way, is wearing the tightest black t-shirt I have ever seen on this show and I can't say that I'm not enjoying it. A whole big lot. Anyway. "Don't tell me he's an alien," Doggett grouses. Mulder thinks that Billy Miles is a type of alien: a "human replacement, one that looks human." He holds the ice pack to his skull. Doggett points out that Billy bled red, rather than green, blood. He reminds Mulder that he's read every X-File in the drawer. All those X-Files. All those supposedly burned-up X-Files. ["Maybe there were only the ones from this season. So it's not that big an accomplishment to read, like, eleven." -- Wing Chun] "What you call aliens bleed green. Right?" Doggett asks. Mulder snorts and gets up. "Well, Billy Miles is a whole new deal," he explains. Wow, there's a convenient explanation. Mulder fixes himself what is either a glass of water or a shot of vodka; it sounded like water, but it's regulation-shot amount. Mulder admits that he would have become an alien, too, if Scully hadn't doctored him up right. Scully makes a modest face. She wants to know what Billy Miles was doing at Parenti's office. "Same thing he did at the other office," Mulder non-answers. "And what were you doing there, Mulder?" Scully asks. Mulder cocks his brow and tells her that he was "looking for answers." Since Scully hasn't given him any. "To what?" Scully eyebrows. They stare at each other for about a million years, and Scully opens her mouth to say something, but Mulder jumps into to tell her that he needs to know that "this baby of [hers]" is going to be all right. The Queen of Denial snips that her baby is fine. Doggett looks like he'd really, really rather be home cleaning Skinner's gun right about now. Scully's in the midst of insisting that she's had the baby checked out about a million times when the door opens. It's Frances Fisher. With Scully's dry cleaning. In the middle of the night. She looks at the agents at the table and scurries into the bedroom, chirping that she has plenty to do. Scully dismisses her to the boys as someone her mother hired for her, and goes back to Staring Meaningfully at Mulder. He says that all he's doing is trying to make sure "this baby [she's] carrying is born without any surprises." Scully gazes at him, and then up at Doggett, who looks gruffly skeptical, as usual. Cue the Oboe of Mysterious Parentage. Scully looks off into the other direction and purses her lips. In the bedroom, Frances Fisher listens to them talk through a barely open door. She quietly closes the door and picks up the phone.

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