X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: A | 3 USERS: A+
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Kids Today! I Blame the Rap Music.

Later, the police, with Mulder and Scully, pull up in front of the motel. A nearby police officer tells the agents that no one's gone in or come out of the motel room since they've been there. Mulder, Scully, and one of cops approach the motel room. There is a sound of breaking glass. Everyone looks at each other, and Mulder kicks down the door! He, Scully, and the cop creep inside the motel room, guns drawn. Inside, they find Sally Kendrick in a pile by the stove, knife in hand. The twins -- the evil, evil twins -- are huddled in the corner, holding each other. Behind them, the window is broken. Scully checks Sally Kendrick's pulse. She looks at Mulder and shakes her head. She then goes to comfort the evil, evil, evil twins, who tell her that Sally Kendrick and "the other lady" tried to poison them. "We only pretended to drink," one of them whimpers. "What did the other lady look like?" Mulder asks. One of the twins shakily points at Sally Kendrick's dead body. "Eve Eight!" Mulder says. "They were working together." Scully makes sympathetic Mommy noises and pats the girls. The twins look at each other, thinking that this G-Man (and Woman) are really, really dumb.

Moments later, Scully finds a glass containing the digitalis. She tells Mulder that foxglove has a sweet taste, so that it wouldn't even be perceptible in soda. They're looking at each other thoughtfully when a police officer approaches, and informs them that the cops can't find the other perp. Looking bored, he says something about taking the girls to a foster home or somewhere. Mulder offers to take the girls with him. Scully mutters something about getting them checked out at the hospital. The cop is all, whatever. Literally. He says, "Whatever."

So Mulder and Scully load the evil, evil, evil, murderous little girls into the back seat of their rental car. "What's going to happen to Cindy?" Teena asks. I think it's Teena. They might have pulled a switchero, like in The Parent Trap. Except, you know, evil. Mulder says they'll talk about in the car, and shuts the door on them. Scully waxes poetic about how hard it will be to separate the twins, now that they've bonded and all. Behind her, the girls plot shit.

Driving, driving, driving. Teena takes Cindy's hand. Or vice versa. Whatever. Why do I always get stuck with shows where people get trapped in someone else's body, or there are twins, or there are two of one person, or something, and it's always really hard to explain what, exactly, is happening? I can see the appeal, as a writer, though, of the two people/one body thing. Or even the one person/one person wearing a plastic mask and impersonating the other person thing, like this week on Passions, when Julian Crane dreamed up a plan to break up Luis and Sheridan so he wouldn't have to murder Sheridan, and the crux of the plan was that he hired this guy to wear a remarkably life-like Luis mask and sleep with another woman and then also slap her around, all in front of Sheridan, so Sheridan would break up with him, but of course Sheridan and Luis foiled the plan and now Julian has to kill his sister, and Julian is certainly a big old drama queen ["and just a queen, full stop" -- Wing Chun], and kind of a jerk, but he's not evil enough to kill his own sister, although I have to admit it was brilliant a few months ago when he was planning to kill her and he was walking around town holding a book called, like, How to Murder Your Sister Without Anyone Finding Out It Was You and saying things like, "I can't believe I have to kill my own sister," out loud, in public places. I love Passions. And not just because I got a total shout-out last week. Although the shout-out was awesome! I squealed and dropped my magazine. Anyway. One of the evil, evil twins tells Mulder that she has to pee. "Can you hold it?" he asks. "I really have to go," she whines. This is exactly like my drive up to Northern California last week with my parents and my sister in the car. Except for the part where my sister and I aren't evil. Also, not twins. And my parents aren't in the FBI, which is really too bad. Scully looks over at her partner and admits that she could use some caffeine. They pull over at a roadside diner. The Piano of the Evil Twins Who Need to Pee tinkles in the background.

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X-Files

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