X-Files

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The Kiss

NotAlienMiracleBaby Mansion. "This is my baby!" Scully yells to the assembled crowd. She looks like hell, and with good reason. "You gotta push, Dana," Moronica pleads. "Please don't let them take it," Scully whimpers. Poor Scully. Will nothing ever go right for this poor woman, ever?

FBI. Crane is still hanging onto the side of the Blazer. Noel calmly brings up the rear, driving about as fast as that car can possibly go.

"Come on, Dana, push," Moronica snaps. Scully moans. She's not happy at all, people.

Doggett is still grappling with Crane. Noel is still driving real fast.

"Please, don't let this happen," Scully moans. Billy Miles stares at her. "Dana, push," Moronica yells. Scully screams like something is splitting her in two, and bears down.

Speeding through the lot, Skinner suddenly veers to the left and scrapes against a pole, knocking Crane off onto the pavement. Skinner and Doggett speed off; Noel, chasing them, runs right over Crane. The Blazer slams through the access gate and into the street. Noel, still speeding, loses control of his car and smashes right into a wall. His car explodes in a fiery fireball of fire.

Scully's all pushing and whatnot. Moronica tells her to keep breathing. Scully sobs. She doesn't want the aliens to take her baby. She screams and screams and pushes and I am never having a baby. Especially in front of a bunch of strangers with weird growths, thanks. The aliens watch solemnly as a small cry fills the room. Scully sobs and sighs at the same time. We can't see the baby at all. Mark Snow kicks out the jams with the Music of Working in Mysterious Ways. The aliens watch. The baby cries. The Scully action figure tugs at my jeans. "Is the baby green?' she asks quietly.

A helicopter hovers outside the Miracle of Life Lounge. Mulder, inside the chopper, sees a clearing all lit up like a football field with the glow of the headlights of a hundred domestic cars, and directs the pilot to drop him off there. He bounds out of the helicopter before it even touches down. All the cars start pulling out of the clearing. Mulder begins starts frantically yelling Scully's name. He's banging on cars, asking the passengers to tell him where she is. He's in pretty bad shape. Frantic. Nuts. Totally freaking out. Moronica walks out to meet him. He runs to her. "How is she?" Moronica's expression is unreadable. "She's inside. She needs to get to a hospital." They exchange a long look. Mulder goes inside.

Kersh's office. Why didn't we get to see the Mulder/Scully Birth Day Reunion? Dammit! Anyway, Kersh is in full-on Type-A heart attack mode. "I'm to submit this report as quality investigative work? As actual fact?" Doggett calmly comments that he signed the report, didn't he? "Yeah, I see it John. And I see she signed it, too." He glares at a poker-faced Moronica. "An X-File. I'd like to know when you assigned yourself, Agent Reyes?" Moronica says that, actually, Doggett assigned her. "Agent Doggett cannot just assume the authority of this office," Kersh spits. Doggett stands up. "I assume it because this office is under investigation," he says. "For the late-night meeting between you, Agent Crane, and an intelligence operative named Noel Rrrororororor." Moronica stands up and tells Kersh that while both Noel and Crane were presumed dead, they are now missing "in actual fact," as opposed, I assume, to fictional fact. Stares all around. Then Doggett and Moronica just leave. And Kersh's head explodes. "You investigate what I tell you," he grits. Doggett turns back to look at Kersh. "And you put me on the X-Files," he reminds him. "That's what I'm investigating." And he closes the door.

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X-Files

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