X-Files

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The Kiss

Moronica and Scully enter the store, finding it dank and dusty and generally abandoned-looking. The Magical Mystery Jesus Tour Music cranks up on the soundtrack. The women wander around investigating the joint, which apparently, among its other attractions, has no running water. Scully looks around and lists off all the things they need, but don't have, including running water and sterile supplies. Doesn't Moronica's car (which I think is a Bureau Car, since she got it from Doggett) have a first-aid kit in it, and some bottled water? People, always have supplies in your car. You never know when you're going to have to run from crazy unstoppable aliens who are trying to steal your NotAlienMiracleBaby. "I'm a little stiff from the drive," Moronica shares, and wanders outside, leaving Scully to wonder how the hell she's supposed to have a baby in that filthy joint.

Outside, Moronica lights a cigarette and inhales guiltily. Looking up, she sees a blue light shining brightly in the north sky. Is it an alien ship, acting like the star in the Bible, guiding the alien replicants/shepherds to the storefront/barn where the Virgin Scully is getting set to birth her baby? Or is it a star exactly like the one in the Bible (in other words, placed there by God), serving to guide someone else to Scully's side? Or is it just a very slow-moving airplane? Moronica looks thoughtful. Do you think it's possible that she could be evil, and she's under the thrall of this alien/ star/ light/ airplane, and she's going to steal the baby? Wouldn't that be an exciting plot twist?

FBI HQ. Noel and Doggett confab. "It's about this thing you're pursuing," Noel says stiffly. "This thing?" Doggett parrots. "This man you're after," Noel clarifies. Doggett puts his hands in his pockets. "I think I'm confused, Noel," Doggett snarks. "If it's a man or if it's a thing?" Have I mentioned that Doggett has totally grown on me? I lurve him now. Have I also mentioned that it's possible to like Doggett and Mulder simultaneously? Because it is, and I do. Just open your heart. Open your heart to Doggett. And slam your heart's front door in Moronica's face. "It's military, John -- goes all the way to the top. I can't overstate the sensitivity," Noel says. He got a haircut since his little run-in with Doggett and Skinner at the park. Doggett and Noel stare at each other. "Let me say there was a rumored program out of the Cold War. A plan to create a super-soldier," Noel continues. Doggett looks off to the side, and sarcastically calls Billy Miles "pretty damn super." By the way, Noel? A big fat liar. I wonder whether he thought of this super-solider line in the elevator on his way up to see Doggett, or if it dates all the way back to his morning shower. Billy Miles, according to Doggett, "got right up out of a gut bucket and hit the ground running." I am so using that line. "I can't come into work this morning: I feel like I got right up out of a gut bucket and hit the ground running." Doggett continues, saying that Billy Miles wasn't exactly what he would call military material and mentions that teeny fact about how Billy Miles is allegedly an alien abductee. Stare. Stare. "You got it half right, John," Noel says. According to the totally unreliable and false-fact-feeding Noel, Billy Miles is a "prototype." Doggett unconvincingly mmhmms and asks Noel what Billy Miles is after. "Oh, I think you know that, too, John," Noel says robotically. "He's after your partner, Scully." Doggett sets his jaw. Noel explains that Scully was part of "a program" as well. Six years ago, he says, she was taken in a military operation staged as an abduction. They put a chip in the back of her neck to monitor her -- a chip that was also used to make her pregnant with the first organic version of this super trooper. Okay, we know this isn't true, because Noel is a liar, but it's not a very well thought-out lie. First of all, how stupid would the government have to be to abduct and chipify the partner of a man who's made it his life's work to uncover shady and supernatural government behavior? Also, if this is true, why were the babies of the other abductees, like Anne Shirley, alien? Why would the government make the super-soliders look like aliens? Are they part aliens? Why am I worried so much about a red herring? Because I firmly believe that if you're going to lie to me -- and everybody lies sometimes -- please do me the courtesy of concocting a good, airtight lie that doesn't insult my intelligence. Anyway. Noel and Doggett stare some more. Doggett snorts. "What do you want from me?" he asks. "Help us catch him so we can put him down before he finds her," Noel asks, so unconvincingly. "What makes you think I know where she is?" Doggett wonders with studied casualness. Noel jumps on this and asks Doggett whether Skinner knows where she is. They stare at each other. "Whoever knows, his life's in danger, too," Noel says, almost smiling at Doggett. Doggett gulps.

Out in the hallway, violins twinkle as Mulder waits for the elevator, which is taking forever. He huffs in frustration and takes the stairs. When the elevator doors finally open, Billy Miles gets out. Crisis averted!

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X-Files

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