MONDO EXTRAS

The One Where We Recap The Movie

by Jessica May 31, 2001 11:00 PM
X-Files

Black helicopters fly through the night over North Texas, and you know who I blame for all of this whole business? The governor of Texas in 1998: George W. Bush. Yes. George W. Bush is responsible for this entire débacle. Anyway, the place where the kid fell through the hole is now some kind of mysterious scientific compound, with HazMat tents and collapsible tubing, like the end of E.T. when E.T. is in the oxygen tent. Sniff. I always cry at that part. And then I get an inexplicable urge for some Reese's Pieces. Anyway, the extremely expensive helicopters hover over the E.T. Compound for, like, twenty minutes before finally touching down. A man alights from one of them, walks toward the camera, puts a cigarette in his mouth, and lights it, all in three-quarter profile. (The crowd in the theatre where I saw this movie erupted into cheers at this point, and the stupid girl behind me who came to the movie with her boyfriend and who apparently had never seen the show ever before, ever, and who kept asking her boyfriend stupid questions, leaned over and asked him who the guy with the cigarette was. And he murmured something about telling her later and then she started to ask all these other questions about all kinds of plot points, including what any of this had to do with aliens, and I hate, hate, hate people talking during the movies at all and I just finally cracked and I turned around and said, "Look, I paid to listen to the movie, not to you, so why don't you just shut up." And she looked at me all shocked and pissed and everyone around us promptly fell in love with me for five whole minutes. Yay.) Anyway, CSM looks at the compound thoughtfully for a moment and takes a drag on the cig.

Inside the compound, which now looks more like a lab, all kinds of random people are doing science-y stuff. A guy in a HazMat suit climbs out of the hole. CSM walks through the compound and over to Bronschweig. "You've got something to show me?" he asks.

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