X-Files

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Paster creeps toward the house. Mulder and Scully watch. In addition to wearing bulletproof vests, they're also wearing Madonna-style headsets. If we get lucky, perhaps later they'll vogue.

In the front yard, Paster leaps from car to rusty car, hiding from the Peacock Brothers. Oh! Maybe they were moving gas from the tank of one car to the other, with the whole mouth-siphoning thing. That makes more sense. I feel so much better now. Paster aims his rifle at the front door; Mulder and Scully watch from behind an abandoned chicken coop. Scully peers through the binoculars into the house and gives Paster the all-clear. He slowly climbs the porch steps and slowly, slowly begins to open the front door. Scully watches. "Paster, no!" she yells suddenly. But it's too late: a jerry-rigged ax swings down from above the door and hits him in the...somewhere you don't want to get hit by an ax. It's hard to see. "Damn," Scully says, drawing her gun. She runs over to Mulder -- who, I guess, moved in the last few minutes, while Paster was getting hacked up -- and breaks the bad news. She looks through the binoculars again, to see the Peacock Brothers already tearing into Paster's body. "The brothers moved in like a pack of animals," she says. "The eldest will move in to assure that the prey has been killed," Mulder recites. "And circling the prey is a signal for the others to approach." They're really ripping into poor Paster. "What we're witnessing, Scully, is undiluted animal behavior. Mankind, absent its own creation of civilization, technology, and information, regressed to an almost prehistoric state, obeying only the savage laws of nature," he tells her. Hey, remember when Mulder was a big, hot dork? Good times. Scully shakes her head. I think she's bored. "We're outsiders, invading the den," Mulder drones on. "Trying to take away their one chance at reproducing. Which we're going to do." Scully muses that the house is probably rigged with traps. Mulder suggests they start by luring the men out of the house...even though they were just out of the house. Maybe they went inside after they ripped poor Deputy Paster to bits. La la la, it's too early in this show's run to worry about continuity errors! Maybe my notes are just wrong! I'm totally sure that's it.

So Mulder and Scully sneak into the pigpen to let the little oinkers loose. Or, rather, to open the gate and try to shove them into the yard while trying to avoid being found out by the nutsy, psychotic inbreds. Mulder shoves one pig violently. "Scully, would you think of me as less of a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?" he asks. Scully gives him a disgusted look. "Is there a secret farmer trick to get these things moving?" he asks. She grunts that she doesn't know. They push. "Bah ram ewe!" Scully hisses at the pigs. "Bah ram ewe!" Mulder pushes a pig, unsuccessfully. "Yeah, that'll work," he snarks. "I babysat my nephew this weekend," Scully explains. "He watches Babe fifteen times a day. " More pushing. A Peacock ambles out of the house, holding his bloody hands aloft like a surgeon. A really, really disgusting surgeon. He washes his hands at the pump in the yard, but is soon thereafter distracted by the pigs, which have finally realized that they've been offered their freedom and are now running amuck. The Peacock makes a face and calls for his brothers/fathers/whatevers. They come racing outside. Damn pesky livestock!

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X-Files

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