So, Mulder and Jack go to a diner, where Jack makes a mountain of mashed potatoes and explains that one's military adversaries are much less likely to fire upon a spaceship from another galaxy than they are to fire on a U.S. warplane. Which makes good sense to me. "But the abductions?" Mulder asks. Jack shrugs and explains that he's just the pilot. He doesn't deal with the abductees all that much. "You ever flown a flying saucer?" he asks. "Afterwards, sex seems trite." Mulder has no response to that, not having had sex in approximately six years. If you don't count that vampire girl in Season Two. Details, details. "But what do you do with the abductees?" Mulder presses on. "Take 'em back to the base. Let the doctors work on 'em. Nothing physical. They just mess with their minds," Jack says, poking his potatoes with a fork. "Hypnosis," Mulder breathes. Jack nods and explains that these poor people go into a perfectly ordinary room and come out positive they were probed by aliens. Mulder thinks about this; he then wonders what abducted Jack, then, if the whole abduction thing is a governmental hoax. Jack stares at his plate. Finally, he explains that he's completely sure he and the kids were abducted...but that, given what he knows about the way the government works, he can't be sure that he's sure of anything. "I'm not sure we're even having this conversation," he says. "I'm not sure if these mashed potatoes are here. I'm not sure if you really even exist." Mulder looks at him for a beat. "I can only assure you that I do," Mulder finally says. "Well, thanks, buddy," Jack says around his cigarette. "Unfortunately, I can't give you the same assurance about me." At this point, Dead Inside Kyle McLachlan and his military cronies come marching into the diner. "Well, looks like I'm a dead man," Jack offers. Mulder hurriedly blurts that all this alien stuff can't be faked. He asks about the Red alien. "Who, Kimboat?" Jack asks nonchalantly. Mulder blanches. And the suits grab Jack and drag him away. Dead Inside Kyle McLachlan gives Mulder a dirty, dirty look.
LBO. "That is odd," Jose Chung tells Scully. Jose Chung goes on to tell her that when he was staying in Klass County, he went to that very same diner for lunch every day, and in the process became good friends with the cook. Who told him that one day Mulder came in, all alone. "Sat down. Ordered sweet potato pie. Identified himself as FBI Agent Mulder. He then questioned my friend," Jose Chung narrates, as we watch Mulder stroll into the empty diner and start putting away the pie. Jose Chung explains that Mulder asked one question for each piece of pie that he ate. And, apparently, Mulder can put away the pie. "You ever seen a UFO in these parts?" he asks. The cook has not. "You ever experience a period of missing time?" No. "You ever had the suspicion that you've been abducted by aliens?" Nope. "Have you ever found a metal implant in your body? Have you checked everywhere?" No. Also: ha. Jose Chung narrates that eventually Mulder polished off the entire pie and then left. "The cook never mentioned Lt. Sheaffer, let alone any other Air Force personnel." Scully is all, "Figures." Jose Chung remarks that Scully seems "non-nonplussed at these contradictions." Scully sighs that she isn't, especially considering what happened when Mulder got back to the motel.