X-Files

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Jessica: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Jose Chung's From Outer Space

LBO. "He said I said what?" Scully asks. Jose Chung tells her that when he talked to Geeky, Geeky claimed that she threatened him. Scully sniffs that this is ridiculous. "And besides," she adds, "we allowed him to view the autopsy."

Cut to said autopsy. Scully's mid-Y-incision when Geeky runs in with his video camera. Manners tries to remove him. "You can't suppress the truth!" Geeky yells as Manners manhandles him. "The people have the right to know! Roswell! Roswell!" This, of course, manages to soften Mulder's heart enough to allow him to stay and tape the procedure.

Back in the LBO, Jose Chung is watching said tape, as Scully paces behind him, embarrassed. This is a final, commercial version of the tape. It's being hosted, in a nice display of continuity, by the Stupendous Yappi and his freakshow eyebrows. Scully covers her eyes as she confirms for Jose Chung that this is indeed the autopsy she performed, but with all the pertinent bits edited out. "Oh, it's so embarrassing," she moans.

Those pertinent bits being, of course, that it's a dude in an alien suit. Scully pulls a plastic mask off his head. Mulder looks chagrined. "You mean, it's just a dead human being?" Geeky asks. Scully confirms this. Geeky clasps his hands over his mouth and runs away to hurl. "Well, then who is this bleep?" Manners asks. Mulder hypothesizes that they could find him in the military database.

And they do. He's Air Force. Just as Mulder gives Scully this telling tidbit of information, the Air Force shows up, led by a guy who looks like Kyle McLachlan, but more dead inside. Blah blah AWOL blah blah dead blah blah blah blah Mulder tricks Dead Inside into giving him the other pilot's name blah blah blah blah the body's disappeared. "So, what else is new?" Scully asks. Mulder runs off to retrieve the video from Geeky.

Geeky's sitting on his mattress on the floor, watching the video. Someone knocks on the door, but he bursts through it before Geeky even gets off the floor. It's Jesse Ventura, and he's ready to kick some geek ass. Over Geeky's weak protests, Jesse Ventura rips off the top of Geeky's VCR and wrenches out the videotape. The other man in black hauls Geeky up by his collar. Geeky gives the second guy a big familiar, pleased smile. "Hey!" he chirps. Then he notices what Jesse Ventura is doing to his VCR. "You have no right to suppress this!" he repeats. "Roswell! Roswell!" Jesse Ventura responds to this by hoisting Geeky almost above his head and then cracking Geeky's spine over his leg. Geeky passes out and Jesse Ventura tosses him on the floor. If I said I never wanted to do that, I would be lying.

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X-Files

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