X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C | 718 USERS: B-
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Lord Of The Flies

Okay, I just turned off this tape, and F/X is showing "Redux II." Oh my Gawd, Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuulder. MUUUUUUUULLLLLDDDDDDDER! [Insert heart-wrenching sobs.] Sorry. Moving along.

Doggett walks out of the school, as HazMat guys come marching in with their equipment. Outside, Moronica watches as Emory Dick is being checked out by the EMS. Doggett yells at the HazMat guys that the bugs are all gone. "They're all gone," he repeats. The HazMat guys ignore him. "Whatever," Doggett mutters under his breath. The ambulance roars off as Doggett joins Moronica on the curb. She tells him that Emory appears to be unhurt. He hasn't got a single bite on him. At this point, Principal Witter grabs Emory and leads him toward her car. Moronica hollers that they're not finished talking to him! Principal Witter yells back that they are! "We're going home!" she screams, and shuts the car door and drives off. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. The whole reason this case is attracting flies is because someone is full of crap," Doggett drawls. He's very proud of that little joke, isn't he? Moronica tells him that she thinks Emory arranged that fly-on-his-face trick so that he'd look like a victim, rather than the perpetrator. "Okay, but how?" Doggett asks. "This guy's the horse whisperer, only for bugs?" Moronica makes her thoughtful face and whispers that she thinks she can find out.

Meanwhile, over at the Hoover Building, Scully's racing around, trying to convince Skinner to help her find Mulder, who's gone missing on a boat in the middle of the -- oh, shit. That's a totally different episode, isn't it? I liked that one. Actually, she's walking down the hallway of the ME's office, holding Emory Dick's sweaty Kleenex in a metal box. "I have to warn you, there's typically not much to be found in a teenage boy's sweaty Kleenex," she tells Doggett and Moronica. Aw, man, a very gross joke just popped into my head. But I'm not going to go there. Ejaculate jokes just aren't my style. Doggett asks if there aren't pheromones in sweat. "Yes, that's what causes BO," Scully says. "But obviously, that's not that attractive. To anything." Really? Because I think body odor is hot, hot, hot! ["The late great Amorgan once told me that when she stopped wearing deodorant for a month, she was attracting boys like -- well, like flies. So I might have to disagree with The Eyebrow'd One this time." -- Sars]

X-Files

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