X-Files

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Lord Of The Flies

Autopsy bay, part deux. Scully's wearing The Goggles Of Scientific Analysis. She pushes them back and looks up at Doggett and Moronica. "Well," she begins. "I have to say that, um, I have never seen anything quite like this before." Doggett and Moronica exchange looks. Scully sighs, and tells them that she thinks the flies ate Capt. Dare's brains so fast that it made his head collapse from the inside. "You're saying the flies killed him?" Doggett asks. Scully looks vaguely amused and says nothing and takes off her gloves. "Of all the kids at the scene, flies choose to attack this one. Why?" Doggett wonders aloud. Moronica muses that it must be "reasons we're not seeing." Doggett hypothesizes that someone put something in Capt. Dare's helmet. "You know, Spanish Fly?" Doggett suggests. "That stuff you see advertised in the back of men's magazines, that guys use to attract girls?" Over in the corner, Scully cracks up while she washes her hands. Moronica gives Doggett a look. "I glance at it for amusement!" Doggett insists. Scully turns and tells them that she doesn't think the science works that way. And she wonders what kind of fly would act so aggressively. "The Australian Bush Fly," announces a man who's just walked in the door. He's a real Steve Stunning -- you know, overly tan, waved-back hair, caps revealed in a cheesy, cheesy smile. He gives Scully a real once over and introduces himself as "Rocky Bronzino, Field Entomological Expert, Rutgers University." At their service. Scully's all, eyebrow. "Doctor Bronzino," she begins. "Rocky," he corrects her with a giant cheesy grin. I'm sorry; he's a little funny. I don't know, it's Christmas and I feel charitable. He explains that the Crazy Man-Eating flies aren't indigenous to the United States, and the flies they collected from the inside of Capt. Dare's squished plastic mask-head were just plain old everyday house flies. "[The ME] invited me in for my scientific expertise," Rocky exposits, "and I must say, I'm glad he did." He shoots Scully a flirtatious glance. Scully flares her nostrils and looks off at the wall in amused irritation. Moronica steps in and tells Rocky that they may be looking at a murder. "Are there any suspects?" Rocky wonders. Moronica gestures to the jar of flies. Rocky cocks a surprised brow.

Over at Garfield High School, in Manahawkin, New Jersey, Natalie sits at a table in the cafeteria area and picks at a salad. Emory Dick sits at the table cattycorner to her and stares and stares. Okay, guys? The staring thing is creepy. Contrary to what you see on TV, it generally only serves to convince the very woman you're trying to impress that you're a lunatic pervert. Winky and his camera bound up to Natalie, asking her to "say a few words," as she's one of the last people who saw Capt. Dare alive. "You want a few words, Winky?" Natalie yells. "You're a jerk! And so is your brother!" At this, the cameraman -- who must be the Brother of Winky -- cocks his head away from the eyepiece on the camera and gives her a surprised and dirty look. In the background, Emory Dick's all standing up like he's going to challenge Winky to a duel for Natalie's honor. Winky informs Natalie that Capt. Dare died doing what he loved! Riding a shopping cart down the street! "Maybe if you weren't such a --" Winky begins, and then turns to Emory Dick. "Freaky Deaky," he says to Emory, and begins walking in his direction. "Want your own memorial? I'm talking to you, freak!" Winky takes Emory Dick's bowl of mashed potatoes and rubs it into Emory's hair. Just as things appear to be taking a turn for the worse for poor crazy bug-boy, a woman comes outside and calls Winky into the office. Hey, it's the actress who plays Pacey's mom on Dawson's Creek! Holy crap, I can't escape that damn show, can I? Winky gives Emory Dick a dirty look. "Got to have his mommy stick up for him?" Winky asks Emory Dick irritably. Yeah, the principal, Mrs. Witter, is also Emory Dick's mother. Everyone looks at each other. Winky trudges toward the office. Emory runs off. Natalie sits around with her mouth open, catching flies. So to speak.

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