X-Files

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Jessica: C- | 2 USERS: D+
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Lord Of The Flies

Doggett and Moronica stand around Principal Witter's office, and watch the PortaPotty footage. Doggett chuckles when the PortaPotty tips over, and fast-forwards. "I think I just solved this case," he says. "This kid had crap for brains. The flies couldn't resist." Moronica snorts. "And you were such a choir boy growing up?" she asks. Doggett admits that he was stupid, but he didn't know it at the time. "These kids take pride in being dumb," he says. At this moment, Principal Witter throws the door open, ushering in Winky. "Sky Pilot Winky. Just the man we wanted to see," Doggett says, and I burst out laughing. I don't know why, but his delivery there was really amusing. Winky takes a seat, looking a bit gobsmacked. Principal Witter leaves, shutting the door. "It's very entertaining, Sky Pilot," Doggett says, gesturing to the television. "It's Sky Commander, if you don't mind," Winky retorts. "And you can call me 'Sheriff John' when I haul your dumb ass off to jail, Winky," Doggett replies. I suspect that "Sheriff John" is Skinner's private little nickname for Doggett. Anyway, the mention of jail really gets Winky's attention, and he wonders what they're talking about. Moronica explains that they've recovered an email that he wrote, offering to sell the video of Capt. Dare's death "to the FOX network." Winky shakes his head and explains that he wrote all the networks. FOX was the only one that expressed any interest. Well, FOX has allowed the Western world to witness the decline of this once great show, so I'd say they specialize in airing slow and painful deaths. I'd also like to point out that Moronica is wearing a completely transparent top. Completely. I can see her bra. It's not very professional. Unless, of course, your profession is "stripper." "I don't think you understand," she tells Winky. "What?" he asks. "You think I killed him? You think I killed Capt. Dare to make money? My best friend?" Doggett almost smiles, and points out that Winky was the last person to touch Capt. Dare, that he handed Capt. Dare his helmet, that they suspect he put some Magic Head-Smushing Mojo inside it. Winky wriggles around in his seat and finally stands up, clawing at his lower back. "Sit down, Sky Commander," Doggett barks. "I can't! I'm being attacked!" Winky yelps. He scratches his back like a maniac, and eventually lifts up his shirt to show Moronica and Doggett the small of his back. It reads, "Dumb Ass," in bite marks. Doggett and Moronica look grossed out.

Flies crawl over food on the dinner table of the Witter household. Emory Dick walks in the front door, where he's greeted by an angry Principal Witter, who wants to know where the hell he's been! Dinner's on the table! Emory grunts that he's not hungry. Principal Witter bitches that he'll sit at the dinner table until he is hungry! She needs to talk to him! Emory just trudges up to his bedroom and shuts the door.

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X-Files

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