X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Never Again

Some time later. A knock at the door. Scully wakes, startled, in Ed's bed, wearing Ed's dress shirt. She opens the door to reveal the police. They're looking for Ed: he's not there. Was he there the night before? She doesn't know. "Can I help you with something? I'm with the Bureau," she asks, crossing her arms tightly. The cops exchange doubtful glances. Scully rolls her eyes and gets her badge and invites them in. They explain that Ed's downstairs neighbor has been reported missing, and that they found some blood in her apartment. "Not hers. There were some abnormalities," Cop Two tells Scully. Like what, you ask? So does Scully, doing the Medical Doctor Forensic Medicine Respected Scientist act once again. She convinces them that they can trust her, and they tell her that the blood had some weird substance in it. Scully copies down the Formula of the Weird Substance Found in the Blood of her New Lovah. Her hair looks awesome, by the way. All sexified and rumpled. Cop #1 gives Scully his card. "We'd appreciate Mr. Jerse giving us a call when he returns. And if he doesn't, we will," the coppers inform her. Scully agrees. They leave. She turns, finding Ed's note to her: "Dana, went to get coffee and breakfast. Didn't want to wake you. XO, Ed." Aww, he XOs her! Scully looks sadly at the series of numbers and letters representing the wack shit in her new boyfriend's blood, and gets online. She logs into the FBI Forensics database. Her badge peeks out of her jacket pocket, sitting there on the table. Tap, tap, tap, and a wealth of information spills onto the small screen of Ed's laptop. Scully peers at it. The words "ergot" and "rye and related grasses" pop out at her. Scully involuntarily touches her tattoo as she reads that this stuff gives you auditory and visual hallucinations and, turns you psychotic, among other things. Looking traumatized, Scully picks up the phone and dials the FBI. "Fox Mulder, please," she says. Doesn't she know her own phone number at the office? I guess she doesn't usually call herself. I'll let that one pass. But only because this is an otherwise excellent episode. If that moment had been in, say, "Hellbound," it would have prompted a very long rant about the general stupidity of 1013 Productions and the futility of life -- my life, specifically.

Anyway. LBO. The phone rings. Mulder dives for it across the room. Scully hangs up, right before he gets to it. Poor Mulder looks very disappointed. Well, honey, I guess you should have gotten her a desk.

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X-Files

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