X-Files

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Jessica: C | 552 USERS: B-
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Nothing Important Happened Today, Part I

Doggett's House of Homoeroticism. He's lying on his stomach in bed, all nekkid, and I have to tell you, Robert Patrick has a nice back. He must work out. Doggett's alarm goes off, and he rolls over onto his back and sighs. His manly, manly chest is covered with bruises. I don't even remember how he got those. I mean, he tussled with Agent Crane during the car chase, but he was inside the car at the time. I'm sure I've just blocked whatever it was out of my mind, over the last six months.

Moronica's place. It looks like a hotel room, actually. Which makes sense. She's also asleep. Her phone rings, and she very sleepily opens her eyes. Moronica slides over the empty bed and answers the phone. She's also naked. Oh, my bad: she's not. Black panties. You know, if you care. It's some guy on the other end of the line. "Brad!" Moronica says, her eyes opening real big. She makes some noise about how she wasn't asleep, and we cut to the other end of the line: it's Cary Elwes, who played Westley in The Princess Bride, and who has also appeared in other, less entertaining films. He's doing a horrible American accent. He doesn't sound American, exactly, but nor does he sound totally British. It's very strange. I have to say, most of his pronunciation is correct, but the rhythm of his speech is extremely British. I don't know. "You're in town?" he asks. Moronica bites her tongue and doesn't ask why he bothered to call her if he didn't know she was in town. He asks, if she's coming into "the Hoober [sic] Building," that she stop by his office. She agrees. Westley's looking forward to seeing her.

X-Files

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