X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C | 552 USERS: B-
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Nothing Important Happened Today, Part I

Doggett opens the door to Mulder's Porn Palace. The apartment is totally empty. Totally. No furniture. No fish tank. Nothing. Sob! Sorry. "Mooooulder?" Doggett calls, racing from room to empty room. "Moulder, are you here?" No. Nothing. Nada. Doggett stands in the middle of the deserted apartment and looks helpless.

We chung-chung over to the Greater Maryland Water Reclamation Facility. Hey, when I was in seventh grade, we went to a water reclamation plant on a field trip! It was actually very interesting, watching all the dirty water, from showers and tubs and sinks and, yes, toilets, come gushing in, and then get all cleaned and shipped out to, like, irrigate fields and whatnot. It was quite fascinating, really. Anyway. There's a guy in a hardhat walking around and checking...you know, stuff. (I didn't pay very close attention during the field trip. There was this boy in my class, and I had this giant crush on him, and...well, you know how it goes. He's dead now. True story. Very sad. Moving right along.) Hardhat walks past a giant tank of dark water, not noticing as small bubbles float to the top. As he strolls past the other side of the tank, Xena emerges from the dark water to watch him, only her eyes appearing above water. He walks toward a phone, and she swims to the far edge of the tank, watching him. He picks up the receiver and tells the person at the other end of the line that he needs to make a "shore to ship call, to the U.S. Valor Victor." Then he drops the phone because he sees Xena, totally naked, walking across the plant and away from him. He takes out his gun and gives chase.

X-Files

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