X-Files

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Nothing Important Happened Today, Part II

Elsewhere on the ship, Doggett finds a bomb. That's right. That's what this episode was missing. A bomb. Actually, this episode is a bomb. I'm sorry, that was really an awfully lazy joke. Anyway. Doggett yells for the ladies. He does not, however, yell, "Run! There's a bomb!" He goes running out into the hall, still yelling for them. The girls are too far away to hear him, though; they've discovered the Super-Secret Lab. Scully does her AlienBabiesInJars stare at the vials and vials of ova as Doggett bursts in the door. "Move out, we got to get out of here!" he yells. I would have added "because there is a BOMB," but that's just me. Scully shakes her pretty red hair all over the place. "They're manipulating ova!" she tells him. "Female eggs for transplantation!" And still, Doggett doesn't yell, "That's nice, but there's a bomb on the ship!" Instead, he watches as Scully frantically looks for her name on the list of test subjects. Finally, he grabs her arm. "You want to see your baby again? We've got no time, Dana! We'll find another way!" They stare at each other for fifteen minutes. The bomb blows up and everyone dies. The end. Not really. Finally, they stroll out of the lab and sort of trot down the gangplank, and once they reach the dock, then they kind of run a little bit, as the ship blows sky-high behind them. Stuff burns.

FBI HQ. Forty-eight hours later. I guess Doggett's been reinstated, because he's wearing his badge when he goes to see Kersh. "My sources tell me you've wrapped up your investigation, John," he says. He's actually not yelling inappropriately, but I love it when he does that, so I'm going to just interpret his lines that way, anyway. Doggett admits that, yes, he has wrapped up his report. He hands it to Kersh, who reads the cover page. "'A conspiracy like a cancer in the U.S. government'?" he reads. Doggett says nothing. "Not a mention of my name, John," Kersh says. Doggett admits that he found nothing damning on Kersh. "Because I got nothing to lose, let me say that I know your hands are dirty, sir. Filthy," he spits. Kersh sort of rolls his eyes and tells Doggett to "take a last wild punch before the bell." Doggett asks Kersh why he slipped him the obituary. "You think I did that?" Kersh wonders. Doggett says that Kersh is the only person with a motive. Kersh raises a brow. "You looking just to get me fired, or get me killed?" Doggett asks. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. Does Doggett think that Kersh thought Noel Rooooaaar would kill him if...I'm very confused. Doggett throws his badge and gun down on the desk and starts to storm out of the office. "You ever heard of King George the Third?" Kersh asks. This question infuriates Doggett, who hates history. "You answer my question!" Doggett hollers. Kersh is very calm. He tells Doggett that King George kept a diary. And on July 4, 1776, his diary entry read, "Nothing important happened today." Doggett frowns. "What the hell has that got to do with me?" he asks. Kersh smiles. "Revolutions start," he says. "Things that change the world forever. And even kings can miss them if they're not paying attention." Doggett makes a face. "Nuh-uh," he says. "Why would I believe that you'd help me?" Kersh shrugs. "Agent Mulder believed me," he says. "Moooulder? What the hell are you talking about?" Doggett asks. "Mooulder's long gone." "I am right here!" the Mulder action figure squeals in fury. He's not dealing well with being off the show. Especially since the Scully action figure keeps making noise about suing for action-figure child support for their new baby (also known as Harry Potter, Complete With Flying Broomstick and Snitch). Kersh stares at him. "Say I told Mulder he'd be killed if he stayed. Same people who threatened to kill me if I didn't go along," he says. Doggett doesn't think Kersh has the pull to make Mulder do anything. "I said I told him to go; I didn't say I persuaded him," Kersh explains. The light dawns for Doggett. "My God, it was Scully!" he says. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "duh." "Scully made him go. That's it, isn't it?" Doggett asks. Kersh says nothing, but Doggett reaches down and retrieves his badge and firearm. Then he leaves Kersh's office. So...is Kersh supposed to be good now? My head. Oh God, my head.

Whatever. Doggett gets in the elevator for his long trip down to the Lush Basement Office. DPB is already in the lift, of course. It's like the FBI has one elevator, and the shady characters on this show do nothing but ride it, all day. "Going to the basement?" DPB smirks. Doggett says nothing. "Heard you got a stay of execution," DPB continues. "Congratulations." He's sure Kersh has Doggett right where he wants him, he says. "Don't get me wrong. I'm a friend to the X-Files. It's a comfort, having you down there, Misteeeer Doggett," DPB says as he exits the elevator. Moronica walks past him to get into the elevator, and stands next to Doggett, showing off her blow-out. "Just so you know where to reach us, Mister Follmer," Doggett snarks. Moronica smirks. The elevator doors close. DPB goes off to tend to the livestock.

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