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Nothing Important Happened Today, Part II

Captain Turtleneck stands on the dock near his big, big boat and calls Iceman on a pay phone. Since Iceman is dead, though, he just gets voicemail. He makes a face and hangs up and walks back to the ship. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. "Something's wrong. Very wrong," Captain Turtleneck tells the back of Pierre's head. But it's not Pierre. It's Noel Rooaoaohharr, who turns to stare at him. "What is this? Where's [Pierre]?" Captain Turtleneck sputters. Noel tells him that Pierre has been "relieved of his post." He's the new second-in-command. Because that happens all the time in the middle of the night with no warning.

Scully's. 7:26 AM. She's burping William and looking peevish. The phone rings. It's Moronica. "Dana. There's something I think you really need to be aware of. Something you need to hear. Something I'm not even sure I believe," she announces. While I would have asked Moronica to hold it with the dramatic proclamations until I've had my second cup of coffee, Scully just tells Moronica that she's listening. "It's not me you need to hear it from," Moronica says, and hands the phone to Doggett. Huh? Was that just a fancy version of "please hold for John Doggett"? Did Moronica think Scully would hang up on Doggett? Anyway, Doggett tells Scully that he might have some answers for her, about the baby. Scully anemically raises one eyebrow. Hey, it's a step in the right direction.

Doggett's house. He opens the front door to admit Scully, who's all gussied up. She looks great, at least. She's wearing Mulder's Leather Jacket of the truth. Well, it's not really Mulder's, since that would reach to her knees. I guess she's left William at home with Mulder, who has just returned from a trip to North Carolina, where he sold the cemetery plot he bought last year when he thought he had that mysterious brain disease that was never mentioned before last year's premiere and which was helpfully cured by the aliens. Or something. The Oboe of Gillian Anderson Is Paying the Rent wails as Doggett introduces Scully to Xena. Stare. Stare. Stare. "Let's start with the water," Scully says, sitting tensely on the edge of Doggett's sofa. Xena is all blah blah additive, blah blah chloramine blah blah this entire plot is lifted from Erin Brockovich. "Look, I've had my fair share of outrageous conspiracy theories, so cut the mystery crap and get to the science," Scully spits. I knew Old Scully was buried underneath there, somewhere. Come out, Old Scully! Sit down! Stay awhile! Scully reminds Xena that chloramine is harmless. Unless "someone were to quietly go and change its molecular makeup," Xena says. "Who and how?" Scully asks, rolling her eyes. "I think you'd be more interested in why," Xena purrs. Scully's like, fine. Why? "To prime a population to breed a new generation of super-soldiers," Xena announces. Scully curls her lip. Apparently, the fancy new water "promotes the mutation of offspring, fertilization, and pregnancy." In other words, buy a Brita. Scully calls this theory "absurd." Xena comments that it's no more absurd than Xena herself is. Xena says that she is "a first-generation prototype." Apparently, the government has gone through seven permutations of said super-soldier, but they've finally arrived at a prototype born from a mutated egg rather than created in a lab. Note, she doesn't say that it's Scully's egg from which the prototype has emerged. Scully narrows her eyes and wants to know why she should trust Xena -- how they know Xena is what she says she is. Xena stands, and tells the assembled that all the super-soldiers have a "standard mutation." The bump on the back of her neck. Scully looks stricken. Okay. So, what does this mean about Billy Miles? He's been a super-soldier since the pilot? Then why was he getting abducted by a spaceship? I am so confused!

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