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Jessica: D+ | Grade It Now!
Nothing Important Happened Today, Part II

Big Old Ship. Captain Turtleneck walks in on Noel Rooooaoaoar, who is poking through the ship's logs. "Those logs are classified!" Captain Turtleneck yelps. Noel points out that, as second-in-command, he needs to know the ship. "In case something should happen to you," he says. Dum dum dum dum! Then Noel asks about "the greater mission" of the ship. Captain Turtleneck gruffs that he doesn't ask. Some bell rings somewhere, and Captain Turtleneck runs off. Noel looks shifty.

Captain Turtleneck runs around the decks of the ship; people in wetsuits are diving into the ocean, where they recover a body from the surf. It's Pierre. I think. Captain Turtleneck looks perturbed. He turns, and finds Noel staring right at him. Noel smirks.

Doggett's. Scully and Xena are up in Doggett's room. Scully gets out her stethoscope to examine Xena, as Doggett trips down the stairs to give them some privacy. Hey, Scully is wearing her cross again! I guess that's because William's birth restored her faith in God. Nice job, continuity people. Seriously, I mean it this time. Downstairs, Moronica paces around and looks thoughtful. She tells Doggett that Xena's story doesn't make sense. Doggett responds that it doesn't not make sense. Oh, God. Moronica points out that Xena killed two guys. Doggett counters this by saying that the men she killed were up to no good. "So she killed them as a way of contacting you? You believe that?" Moronica asks. No kidding. It's called a telephone, Xena. Look into it. Doggett mentions the wacky bump on Xena's neck. "I think we're on to something here, Monica," he says. "I mean, it's freaky. It's mind-blowing. But you gotta admit that. Come on." Admit that it's freaky? Okay. This entire plot is freaky. The direction this show has taken? Freaky. The fact that it hasn't yet been cancelled? Freaky. The way 1013 is letting it dive-bomb into craposity, instead of orchestrating a graceful and satisfying ending? Very freaky indeed. Moronica purses her lips. "I'm not doubting what [Xena] is -- only what she says she's doing," she says. Scully stalks down the stairs, announcing that she found nothing unusual on Xena other than a small deformity of the spine. "Otherwise, she seems normal," Scully says, "as normal as you or I." As normal as an infertile woman who mysteriously had a baby after a twenty-six-month pregnancy and a guy who was shot through the chest and then later vomited up alive? That's comforting. I don't understand why Scully didn't fill up the bathtub and ask Xena to do her underwater-breathing trick, but whatever. Doggett, frustrated, can't believe that Moronica and Scully can't see that Xena is "the key to everything in this case, right to the FBI." I don't see that, either. How is Xena the key to the FBI? She doesn't work for the FBI, although she does walk around the Hoover Building sometimes. She didn't kill any FBI agents. She hasn't mentioned anything about anything that has anything to do with the FBI at all. And her buddy Noel Roooaoaoaaar has no FBI connections, other than his relationship with Agent Crane, as far as we know: he works for the CIA! "Well, for your sake, I hope so," Scully says. "But I hope not, for mine." With that, she leaves. As the door shuts, Doggett's phone rings. It's the Skinman. "Agent Doggett, I don't want to be making this call, I really don't," he begins. "But I'm forced to." Doggett can't believe Skinner's still on his back. Er, so to speak. "What are you talking about?" he asks angrily.

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