FBI. Moronica. Dread Pirate Brad. She needs to talk. He has an appointment. "Don't do this to me, Brad," she tells him. He smirks and tells her she's got two minutes. They go into his office. "Here you are again, Monica, walking through my door," DPB says. Moronica tells him that she needs his help. He sniffs that he already tried to help her. "I'm asking you again," she says. DPB leans against the wall. "Okay, I'm listening," he says. Moronica wants Shannon McMahon's case files from the Department of Justice. DPB smarms that he can't just pick up the phone and get them for her, like a pizza. He didn't use that metaphor, though. Oh, I guess it's a simile. Whatever. Moronica repeats that she needs the files. "You mean, you and Agent Doggett need them," DPB says. "You're on the wrong side of this fight, Brad. I can show you," Moronica says earnestly, as she is wont to do. "I had it illustrated by Mistah Doggett himself today, in the deputy Directeeeer's office," DPB says. You know that line in Men in Tights, where Cary Elwes makes a crack about Kevin Costner's shitty English accent in Prince of Thieves? He can never make a joke about poorly done accents again. Never. Anyway, Moronica insists that they're being "set up." DPB furrows his brow. "By the Justice Department?" he asks. That's why she needs the files. "I'd ask you to do this for me, but he's a good man." DBP tilts his head. "He believes he's in the right," he corrects. Stare. Stare. "You always are?" Moronica asks. I can't believe how little I care about this plot. You know what it is? I keep thinking about that comment Chris Carter made a couple of years ago, about how The X-Files isn't about the characters, it's about the story. And it's so the opposite of that. No matter what you believe about the nature of Mulder and Scully's relationship, the thing that drove the show was, fundamentally, that relationship. And it's not that the stories weren't interesting, because they were. But interesting stories are much more involving when you care about the people they happen to. For example, if Moronica came down with the Big Casino in the next episode, I would be like, "Moronica has cancer? Huh." (Actually, I would be like, "I can't believe they're ripping off their own story arc!") But when Scully got cancer? It was "Oh my God! Scully has cancer!" Because I gave a shit about what happened to her. You know what else? This show has too many characters. Doggett and Reyes and Scully and Skinner and Dread Pirate Brad and Kersh and Noel Rooaooar and Xena and the Lone Gunmen and oh, my God, make it stop! It used to be just Mulder and Scully and the open road, and a packet of sunflower seeds and the occasional pissed-off call from Skinner and the random appearance by CSM or Krycek. Ah, good times. It's not like that anymore. And it makes me sad.
So, where was I? Moronica runs out of...the Hoover Building, I guess. She meets Doggett on the street. He's behind the wheel of...a car. It's not his car, since he has that Manly Truck. I don't know! God! This show! Even the little things, now -- they make me want to die! Scully's in the passenger seat. Moronica sticks her head in the driver's-side window and asks Doggett where Xena is. She's at his house, he says. "She's lying to you," Moronica says. "She's not what you think." Doggett's all, how do you know? "I got a peek at her case files. Those two men she killed? They'd contacted her at DOJ, as whistle-blowers." Moronica thinks the men were killed because they wanted to expose the program, not because they were perpetuating it. Doggett asks why Xena came to him, in that case. Moronica hypothesizes that Xena must think that Doggett can lead her to the one man she hasn't been able to find: the captain of a navy ship that spends all year at sea. The captain, she explains, had been in contact with both of the dead guys about "a secret lab" on-board said ship. Doggett insists that Xena is "the only sure thing" about this case. And he believes this why? Because they were in the Navy together, I guess. Scully finally leans over and tells Doggett that, if what Moronica says about the ship and the lab is true, it may contains answers that she "has to know." Moronica hops into the car and they speed off.