X-Files

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Provenance (1)

Previously on The X-Files: Scully found the word of God written on a spaceship in Africa. Also, her baby is, apparently, a telekinetic Super Solider. She's scared. Mulder is still at the store.

Previously on The Young and the Plastic: the Scully action figure mysteriously disappeared. The Mulder action figure found a note scribbled on a gum wrapper.

We open in the middle of the woods in middle of the night. According to the time/date stamp, this is the Canada/U.S. border in Burke County, North Dakota, though it looks like Central California to me. But what do I know? The camera pans across tree after tree, finally coming to rest at a squad car parked behind a bunch of bushes. The Sad Oboe of I Only Have Ten More Episodes in Which to Make Fun of Mark Snow wails in the background. The border patrol sit in the dark and scan the quiet landscape and yammer that they're freezing their asses off. One of them looks through a pair of night-vision goggles, eventually catching sight of something moving in the distance. There's a loud "twong!" on the soundtrack as Cop One yelps and passes the goggles to Cop Two, who confirms that it's some dude on a motorcycle. Cop One fires up the old Dodge, and they give chase. Those wacky Canadians! The poor guy is probably just darting over the border to go to Old Navy, or something. I hear that my neighbors to the north are peace-loving people, many of whom like hockey. And I hope this episode investigates those assumptions by portraying, like, a violent Canadian who hates hockey and never uses the word "eh." Isn't it time to break the bonds of stereotyping, people? So, much chasing ensues, with the Border-Crossing Biker doing a whole lot of concerned glancing over his shoulder and revving of his engine. The cops chase him all the way to the edge of a ravine, and he just goes right over, all Evel Knievel-style, finally landing at the bottom of a gully in a giant ball of fire. The border patrol guys screech to a halt, pile out of their car, and stare blankly into the canyon. The camera swoops down among the flames and focuses on some papers spilling out of the Border-Crossing Biker's Backpack. Why, would you look at that! That's not algebra homework. In fact, it looks just like the rubbings Scully took of the writings on the outside of that spaceship she found in Africa a million years ago. Mystical Navajo-y music chortles on the soundtrack as we go to the credits.

FBI Headquarters. Scully walks into...someone's anterior office. It's not Skinner's, since she's not chatting up a woman who looks exactly like her. "He's expecting me," she tells the non-lookalike assistant. "They're all waiting for you," the assistant says, and nods toward the door. Scully makes an "oh, shit," face and enters...Kersh's office. I really feel for Kersh's poor assistant (let's call her Suzy). I'm sure her whole life is like, "Suzy, I need the expense reports right now," and "I need some more coffee when you get half a second, Suzy."

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X-Files

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