Cut to the World's Wackiest Cults, next on FOX! Baby William, so sweet and cute in his baby-blue hat, sits patiently in his car seat. Underneath his cute little baby behind, a cell phone beeps. Overcoat Woman parks her car and gets out, running to a pay phone. What is with people leaving William untended in the car all the time? I've done a lot of baby-sitting in my time and I promise you, I never left any of the kids alone in the car. And none of them was wanted by either an alien cult or the government. I mean, as far as I know.
World's Wackiest Cults, Part II. At the dig, Ross watches as two guys -- let's call them Chandler and Joey -- futz with the spaceship. They're fiddling with the hatch. His phone rings. "Have you got him?" he says, instead of "hello." Overcoat Woman has. Ross tells her to be careful, and to stay where she is. He's sending someone for her. He's mid-sentence when the spaceship's door starts to open. Ross hangs up, and skitters over to investigate. The ship is freaking out; parts are twirling, lights are flashing, and the hatch is open. Chandler and Joey hop down into the lower level to investigate the inner doors and, like a Venus flytrap, the ship eats them right up, the hatch closing tightly after them. Ross yelps and impotently bangs on the hatch.
Moronica and Scully break land-speed records by arriving in Pennsylvania mere minutes after leaving Washington. I admit, my knowledge of geography is sort of crap (I'm from Los Angeles. As far as we're concerned, the United States consists of us, a whole bunch of square states that start with "I," and then New York), but wouldn't it take at least a couple of hours to get to Pennsylvania? At any rate, they're too late; Overcoat Woman's van is empty except for William's car seat. And the planted cell phone. Scully's all, "Nuts!" She and Moronica sadly look around the deserted parking lot.
10:47 AM. The hospital. Moronica comes running up to the nurse's station, frantically asking where Doggett is. "He's not in his bed," she pants. The nurse furrows her brow and explains that Doggett is in Radiology getting a CAT scan. "Would you like me to call down to his doctor?" she asks. Moronica sighs. "No," she says. "I was just worried. I'm sorry." She turns to go, and practically walks right into the sign for the hospital's chapel.
Moronica goes inside the chapel and kneels to pray. "Dear God," she begins. "Why did I agree to go on this show? Everyone on the internet hates me." She's bargaining with the Lord to land her a part on Charmed ("I could be the girls' long-lost aunt Prunella!") when DPB opens the door and makes a smarmy face in her direction. "What?" Moronica asks, getting off her knees. Call me a traditionalist, but I was taught that it was rude to interrupt someone who's praying. It's really rude to interrupt them and then make smarmy faces. "This seems a bit traditional for you," DPB says. "Maybe when you're lost, you knock at the door with the porch light on," Moronica shrugs. "Hey, hey," DPB faux-sympathizes, and pulls her into a hug. He cops a feel while he's there. He tells her that he's doing all he can to find Overcoat Woman and the baby. "Even though we've got people on the inside of the FBI working against us," he says pointedly. Moronica opens her eyes and extricates herself from his embrace. Staring Contest #5,643. DPB takes this tender moment to chastise Moronica for going after Overcoat Woman without backup. "This is complicated, [DPB]," Moronica says. "If you came in here to bust me..." DPB shakes his head. He came to ask for her cooperation, he says. "Not sharing information creates an atmosphere of distrust and then [unintelligable mumble] shared my information with you." Moronica narrows her eyes. "What haven't you shared with me?" she asks sharply. They stare. "This FBI agent who tried to kill Agent Scully's baby? He's come around. He's got something he'd like to tell us," DPB eventually says. Moronica looks stricken. "What?" she asks. Well, first, DPB says, he needs her to promise that she'll be cooperating with him from here on out.