Episode Report Card
Jessica: F | Grade It Now!
It's a shame about Ray

I don't think I've mentioned how much I hate the new credits in the last few days, so I'll say it again: I don't care much for them, thanks.

We come back from the commercials to a shot from what ought to be Kurt's POV, the next morning. The windshield of the car is cracked and bloody. Scully wanders up close, looking solemn and thoughtful, a remarkable departure from her usual giddy and winsome self. She peers inside the vehicle. According to the Non-Hip, Non-Squiggly Font of Location Introduction, this is Muncie, Ohio, 8:07 am. I wonder how early Scully has to get up to do her hair and still get to the crime scene by eight. Doggett gets to play quarterback in the game of Exposition Ball this morning, and he tells Scully a whole bunch of stuff, which boils down to: we can't find Kurt, and the thing he hit was really, really dense. Not in the stupid stand-in-the-street-in-the-middle-of-the-night way, but in the 4300-times-the-density-of-steel kind of way. Scully makes a face like she smells something rank as the tow truck lifts the car. The agents observe a pair of footprints under the car, which Scully exposits as men's shoes. Good call! "I hope you're not suggesting that what this car hit was a man, Agent Scully, because there's no way." How much do you want to bet that every writer for this show has that sentence on a macro for Doggett? "I hope you're not suggesting [insert paranormal explanation], Agent Scully, because [there's no way/that's not possible/ it doesn't make sense]." Scully IS suggesting it. I wonder if, after she escapes -- I mean, when Gillian Anderson's contract runs out -- Doggett is going to become the believer and this entire cycle will be repeated ad nauseam. And I do mean "nauseam," because if I have to recap that, I will vomit. The agents bicker about what the car could have hit, and if not the owner of the prints, what? FOR, LIKE, FIFTEEN MINUTES. The upshot: How can a man be a block of steel? Scully stalks off to let Doggett think about that. He looks like the concept sounds vaguely familiar.

On the other side of the crime scene, Nora, The Worst Actress in the World, Nay, the Cosmos comes sobbing into the frame. I wish someone would turn HER into a block of steel. Sob, sob, sob, glycerin, glycerin, she's upset that Kurt's gone all missing, so soon after Ray's Untimely Demise. She manages to exposit that Ray and Kurt worked together at the salvage yard. I mention that only because it's vaguely important to the plot later. As I recall. Not that I was paying attention to the plot this week, because this episode was EVEN WORSE than last week's, which didn't seem possible last week, but, you know, hope springs eternal. Or is that DESPAIR? You tell me.

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