X-Files

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It's a shame about Ray

HalfWay House For Metal Men and The Women Who Love Them. Ray is washing blood off his hand. His arm has grown back, all metal, and half of his face is all metally, too. That's the hot new look for spring: Tin Man chic. Blowsy Blondie Lorena pokes her head in to check on him, because she's an idiot, and spots his bloody clothes piled on the bed. Ray lurches out of the bathroom, the hood of his sweatshirt all pulled up over his eyes like the Unabomber. He's as cranky as the Unabomber too, not responding to any of her perky-ass questions. Blowsy Blondie swears to GAWD that she won't involve the police in whatever trouble he's landed himself in. "I've been there, man. I know what it's like to feel dark and alone," she says. I know what it's like to feel dark and alone, too, and the feeling once again descends upon me while I'm watching this fucking scene for the twelfth time, making sure that I transcribe that awful, clich├ęd line exactly as written. Ray snaps at Blowsy to get the hell out of his room, twice. Finally, she catches sight of his Face of Metal and freaks. He fixes her with a steely glare (see what I did there?)!

Welcome to Chamber Technologies, where they're working on creating smart metals with which to make virtually indestructible stuff -- stuff that can rebuild itself into its original form, if need be. This theory amazes Doggett. Me, not so much. The amount I care about smart metals could fit into a proton. Doggett asks the guy in charge about the document he plucked from Southside Salvage's shredder, about one Doctor Clifton. Doctor Clifton is "no longer at Chamber. He [awkward pause] left the company." Doggett wonders about Southside Salvage specifically. Dr. Vogel -- for that is his name -- tells Doggett that he only works on theoretical stuff, not waste management, but he knows that Chamber never uses city salvage yards.

Doggett rings Poor Scully, who is STILL in the autopsy room. Goddamn, let that poor woman out for a sandwich, at least. She's eating for two, people. Hey, at least the Hot Guy is back, putting little vials into a cabinet. Maybe this is why Scully's always doing the autopsies -- she's got a hot thang going with this guy who works at the morgue. Hey, this episode is boring. I entertain myself as best I can. Doggett yaddas about the whole smart metal thing, but admits that he's at a loss as far as making a connection between Chamber Tech and Southside Salvage. Scully doesn't really care, because she has big news herself; apparently, Ray didn't have Gulf War syndrome at all (take THAT, Nora of the Bad Acting). Rather, he died because "his entire cellular makeup was affected by exposure to some non-identifiable contaminant." Something...metal. Doggett furrows his brow manfully. "What are you saying? That Ray Pearce has become some kind of metal man? That only happens in the movies, Scully," Doggett says. Yeah, we get it, T2. Shaddap. Doggett tells his partner that he's going to press Vogel on the whole Salvage Yard thing again. He hangs up with nary a goodbye and makes his thoughtful face.

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X-Files

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