X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: F | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
It's a shame about Ray

Back at the Halfway House for Men of Metal, Blowsy Blondie conveniently spies Ray's obit in the paper (complete with picture), at exactly the same time the local news runs the story of Dude getting wasted at Southside Salvage. She runs to the pay phone, calls 411, and asks for Ray's home number. She must be really attracted to him in some way, to care so much. Maybe she just appreciates his buns of steel. Get it? Buns...of...with the steel, and because, you know, he's metal? Oh, shut up. You try to recap this dreck.

Doggett and Scully sit, bored, in Doggett's Sensible Car. Scully says that Ray Pearce had enough metal alloy in his blood to "poison an elephant." Doggett spins some story about how Ray is the kind of guy people are supposed to root for; that he used to be in rehab, but cleaned up his life, and got married, and just doesn't fit the profile of a crazy murdering metal man. Why hasn't he gone to his wife, wonders Doggett. Why aren't you guys doing anything remotely interesting anymore, I wonder. In case we just tuned in -- or just woke up -- Doggett and Scully tag-team to basically restate exactly what we all just saw Ray withstand -- the car, the shotgun, yadda. "Even if we can find him, who's to say we can stop him?" Scully wonders. She stares out the car window. She's probably looking for a cab so she can get the hell out of this boring-ass plot.

Chamber Technologies. Vogel sits in his office and looks shifty as Ray wanders the lab unmolested, snoops around, and finally putters into some closet-type thing. He's a smart one, this Ray. Maybe his brain is also turning to metal, because this is obviously a trap. Indeed, the minute he's inside this closet/chamber/what-have-you, Vogel locks him in. Cue the SWAT team and Scully and Doggett. Cue boring SWAT team action, with the guns pointed at the door, and the attempt by Ray to break the door down, and the gasps and the shock at his Unhuman Strength, and the Staring At The Door and the Eventual Silence, and the Opening Of The Door and the shocking, shocking revelation that Ray burst through the steel and the outside wall, and jumped out of the building.

Scully and Doggett creep over to the Ray-sized hole in the wall and peer out. Scully notices, with her patented Breathy Amazement, that Ray's blood is transforming, in front of their eyes, to metal. Fancy. Doggett decides that, with Crazy Metal Man Ray on the loose and on the lam, Vogel would be better off at a safe house. "Where is safe?" Vogel asks, all piteously existential.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

X-Files

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP