X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: D+ | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Scary Monsters

Up at the Compound, Doggett digs up the fresh grave in the back yard and finds the hideously mutilated remains of a mirror. The hooooooorrrrrrroooor! Leyla and Bad Dad (Or Is He?) Jeffrey watch. "It's just a mirror from my son's room," Jeffrey snuffles. He buried it because Tommy was afraid of it. Man, Jeffrey is way too permissive. I was really scared of my mother's silver soup tureen when I was a kid (I used to have a recurring nightmare about it. I know, it's a piece of crockery. I was imaginative), and she didn't get rid of it. It sits on the buffet to this day. Anyway, this mirror revelation prompts Doggett to inform the assembled to go get bundled up; they're walking out of there. Jeffrey takes off to go find his gloves, or something, and Leyla stares up at Doggett. "I know what you're thinking," she says. "Black magic! Mirrors are powerful symbols in conjuring and the dark arts. That's what this is, right?" Doggett glares at her. "Uh huh," he says shortly. And walks away. Bless his curmudgeonly little heart.

Inside, they're packing up for the Bad Idea Hike. Doggett announces that it's not that far to the Sheriff's station, and that they'll catch a ride into town from him. Or something. "Dad? The Sheriff," Tommy whines. Jeffrey gruffly tells the kid not to worry about it. Instead, Tommy buries his face in Moronica's midsection. "What's up, Tommy? What's the matter?" Moronica asks. "I'm mind-numbingly boring despite being evil," Tommy mumbles into her gut. Someone knocks on the door. Doggett trudges downstairs to get it.

It's the Sheriff! Or is it? "You're a sight for sore eyes," Doggett says, opening the door and letting him inside. "I'm the Sheriff," the Sheriff says. Really? Then your uniform, badge, and car with the word "Sheriff" on the side are really quite misleading. By the way, it's so not really the Sheriff. I mean, it looks like the Sheriff, but his eyes are all cold and dead and bored inside. Plus, he doesn't appear to know his own name. Everyone scampers down the stairs to stare at the pseudo-Sheriff. He doesn't think they ought to leave the house. "It's too cold," he says. "It's not him," Jeffrey says quickly. "What?" Doggett asks, turning to look at the Big Bad Dad. The "Sheriff" draws his gun as soon as Doggett's head is turned. "Gun," Moronica monotones, the same way I'd say, like, "Hand me that pencil," or "I have to go to FedEx." Doggett whirls around, and he and the "Sheriff" tussle. Tommy watches, evil eyes open extra wide. Eventually, Doggett punches the "Sheriff" in the gut, and his hand just goes right through the skin, making a neat round little hole. Everyone looks surprised. Well, everyone not related to Evil Tommy. The Non-Sheriff falls over with a thud.

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X-Files

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