X-Files

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Bor-Ring!

Chase Real Estate. 9:17 AM. A tall, lanky guy and a petite redhead with a great haircut and a really flattering green turtleneck sweater just let themselves in. Who are these strangers? And what are they doing snooping around? Oh, it's Doggett and Scully. I forgot they even existed, because this episode appears to be all about Ruthless Exterminators and the Harm They Do. Which would probably be a better show. The agents recap the circumstances surrounding Carlton's death, just in case the audience fell into a brief coma during the last fifteen minutes, and what with the rats and all, let me tell you, I wish I had. They snoop. Scully finds the Carlton Chase/AAA-1 Surekill Exterminators paperwork. Apparently, there's a lot of it. Wow, this is riveting police work!

In another room of the real-estate office, Doggett finds what looks like a toothbrush. I don't know; they seem to have gone back to that murky Vancouver-y lighting, which I like, but it helps to be able to see things. Oh, it's a bullet shell on the end of a pencil. Close enough. Apparently, it's a different caliber bullet from the one that killed Carlton. Scully flips on the lights, and, of course, I still can't see, like, turn the Murky Lighting down a notch, people, okay? Because it's still pitch dark in that room. I guess the room has been trashed, because Doggett remarks that "Elvis used to do this to his hotel rooms." Maybe it's not trashed, just covered with crusts from fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Maybe this episode is actually about ELVIS, going around and trashing real-estate offices, and killing crooked real estate agents. Oh, man, what a great idea for a series. It could be called Vigilante Elvis, and the King (always in hiding, much like The Fugitive), goes from town to town, cleaning out the scum -- the thieving real estate agent here, the fraudulent carpet cleaner there. And he's constantly being pursued because The National Enquirer is offering, like, a million dollars to anyone who can prove he's still alive. Oh, this is a GREAT IDEA! Man, this is brilliant! Screw this recapping thing, I'm going to sit back and wait for my phone to ring, because when the bigwigs at FOX read THIS (and I KNOW they're reading this), I am going to make a fortune! ["Dude, I don't want to crush your dreams, but the bigwigs at FOX are too busy greenlighting Temptation Island to give your really excellent idea the attention it deserves. Try USA." -- Wing Chun] I'm sorry, where were we? Scully doesn't think that Elvis trashed the place, Carlton Chase did. Oh, I see now (the murk has lifted a tad) -- the walls of the room are riddled with bullet holes. Doggett snarks that surely Chase would have hit the guy if he took this many shots inside such a small room. Scully thinks Chase was trying to hit someone OUTSIDE.

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X-Files

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