Episode Report CardMonty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Arnold stands watch all night (while Sarah watches him suspiciously), then breaks into a station wagon in the morning. So the whole parallelism-of-vehicles theme is a bust, since they're quite sensibly ditching the stolen police car. John gloats quite a bit when Arnold hotwires the newly-stolen car, but ignores the keys behind the sun visor, and I silently root for Arnold to clock the annoying little twerp. Arnold wants to get out of the city, so Sarah directs him to head south and keep to the speed limit. Arnold answers, "Affirmative," which triggers a bout of "teach the robot hipster-speak"; John teaches him to say "no problemo," "eat me," and "hasta la vista, baby." Arnold looks unsure of this (allowing for the fact that he has no facial expression at this or any other point in the movie), but repeats the last phrase in a way guaranteed to make it onto t-shirts nationwide. The lingo training continues, and I shudder to imagine a future where the only hope for humanity is a kid who thinks "chill out, dickwad" is the height of barbed wit. The car stops at Cactus Jack's market, and there's a poignant moment when John sees two kids playing "I shot you"/"no you didn't," and reflects on the violence inherent to humanity. Well, when I say "poignant," I mean "in slow motion with sappy music," but you get the idea. Since the movie has basically ground to a halt here, it's time for some more exposition. Arnold tells Sarah that Dr. Miles Bennett Dyson, director of Special Projects at Cyberdyne, is the person most responsible for building SkyNet, the computer that runs the robot army. Apparently, he's going to create a revolutionary new type of microprocessor in a few months, which will make Cyberdyne the largest supplier of military computer systems. Stealth bombers will become fully unmanned, and on August 4, 1997, SkyNet goes online. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense; SkyNet learns "at a geometric rate," whatever that means, and it becomes self-aware at 2:14 AM EST, August 29. The technicians pull the plug, Sky Net launches missiles in self-defense, Russia fires missiles back, and things generally go downhill for the planet. Arnold has detailed files on Dyson, so Sarah wants to know everything about him: what he looks like, where he lives, whether he sleeps. No, sorry, that last part's from Dangerous Liaisons. I got distracted, I guess. The car pulls up in the middle of a desert full of hollowed-out military-looking things. Sarah gets out and looks at a ratty couch, trailer, and helicopter before calling for Enrique. Enrique's got a shotgun!