X-Files

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You're the Man Now, Doggett!

Doggett's Sensible Car pulls up in front of the Squamash Sheriff's Station in a cloud of sand and dirt. The sheriff peers shiftily out of the window, peeking through the venetian blinds. Doggett blusters into the door, the very picture of manly determination. Sheriff Shifty makes a comment about Doggett's driving up on a Saturday and possibly wasting his weekend, which I suppose is the extremely tenuous reason that Scully is absent -- Doggett's doing this on his own time, while she's enjoying her weekend, probably watching Lifetime and crying because she's about to be an unwed mother and no one even cares. Doggett exposits that Mulder paid a visit to Squamash last spring (not "last night," as some people on the forums misheard -- understandably so, because Doggett's accent is weaving in and out like the town drunk on a two-lane highway), to investigate the case of a missing woman, one Marie Hangemuhl. "She wasn't exactly missing, and he wasn't exactly investigating," Sheriff Shifty spits, rummaging through his file cabinet. He explains that Marie never even left her house, and that the report of her disappearance was a false one. He further exposits that the only reason Mulder even knew anything about the case was because Marie's sister "got all excited about nothing" and contacted the FBI. Shifty hands Doggett a pile of files and offers him a Danish. Doggett breaks with tradition and refuses. Shifty eyes him, briefly, and wonders why he's so interested in such a non-case. Doggett explains that he's not interested in the case; he's interested in the agent. "Agent Mooooolder disappeared last May," he explains, but he made a second, return trip to Squamash a week before that happened. "What for?" Shifty wonders. "That's what I want to know. It's my job to find him," Doggett sniffs.

Because he's helpful like that, Shifty drives Doggett over to Paul and Marie Hangemuhl's place. In the time-honored way of vague law enforcement officers everywhere, Doggett announces that he'd like to ask Paul and Marie "some questions." Paul gets all shirty, and calls Marie over. She looks -- to put it bluntly -- like shit. Doggett outlines the Mulder/Hangemuhl case, just in case the Hangemuhls forgot what happened that one time the guy from the FBI visited them and shot something in their living room. "This again?" Paul's peeved that this case hasn't been dropped yet, but simmers down when Shifty explains that Doggett's far more interested in Mulder than he is in their little paranormal problems. Paul's like, never mind, then. Doggett settles in for a nice, long interrogation, and wonders what Paul and Mulder talked about.

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X-Files

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