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Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
The Truth, Part I

"Is this all leading anywhere?" Kersh interrupts. "Yeah, the destruction of all mankind," Mulder snarks. Drama queen. Kersh is all, "Shut your piehole, Spooky." Mulder makes a suitably chastised face. Skinner asks Scully what the government did with this information about the upcoming alien takeover. "They kept it a dark secret," Scully says. Unlike the stuff they kept a light secret. Like their recipe for perfectly flaky pie crust! Kersh wearily wonders if Skinner is done yet. "No, there's the matter of Scully's own abduction in 1994," Skinner retorts. "By whom?" Kersh queries. "By the military, working with the government conspirators to develop a breed of alien-human hybrids that the aliens would use as a slave race," Scully pipes up. Oh, them! Cue the Clips of the Clones' Greatest Hits; clones, clones everywhere. And this wraps up Scully's testimony, I guess, because Skinner just thanks her and hands her over to Dale. Well, thanks for all those follow-up questions about what the aforementioned abduction did to Scully, like her bout with cancer or, you know, that whole pesky infertility issue. Good work, Skinman!

Dale gets up from behind the prosecutor's table and shakes his head, looking disgusted. "All these E.T.s running around," he starts off. "It's hard to keep these aliens straight without a score card." Dude, Dale's been reading the forums! Scully rolls her eyes. "I've never seen an alien. Could we call one as a witness?" Dale asks. "You're being facetious," Scully says. Actually, I'd say he's being sarcastic, but whatever. Dale shrugs that he just wants some proof. "Something good," he clarifies. Now, I don't really like people being mean to Scully, but I think Dale might be my boyfriend. He'd certainly fit in here at TWoP, and he and I could run around town, saying really cutting and sarcastic things to each other about the people we see on the street and then going out for pie. ["Actually, I heard from someone who knows this dude that he's a big dick in real life, much like...oh yeah, every character he's ever played." -- Wing Chun] Scully snits that she has no idea what he means. Dale basically tells her that she doesn't have any concrete proof to back up what she's just said. Which is...um, totally true. She shoots him an anemic eyebrow. "Agent Scully, isn't it true that you and Mulder were lovers and you got pregnant and had his love child?" Dale asks. HA! That's the best line ever! Because it's true: William was never meant to be. Scully blushes. Skinner roars an objection. "Thank you! Next witness," Dale chirps. Scully looks over at Mulder, who just shakes his head wearily. She sighs and leaves.

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