X-Files

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The Truth, Part I

A guard lets Scully and Skinner inside Mulder's cell. He turns and stares at them blankly. The guard closes the door, leaving them alone. "Mulder?" Scully asks hesitantly. "I smelled you coming, Clarice," he says to her, doing his best Anthony Hopkins. Scully blanches. Skinner's eyes are bugging out of his head. Mulder bursts out laughing. Oh, thank God. I couldn't have sat through two hours of Brainwashed Mulder. "Dammit, Mulder. It's not funny to see you putting on that act," Scully yelps, relieved. Mulder smiles -- genuinely, not the Creepy Brainwashed Mulder Smile -- and tells her that what's not funny is what they do to you in the clink if you don't put on that act. Then he walks right over to her, takes her face in his hands and kisses her. I think I just heard some girls down the street squealing. Oh, that was me. By the way, they're still kissing. I wish it wasn't so dark. I can't even tell if they're using tongue. Oh, did I say that? I surely don't know why, since I have no interest in such things. Yeah, still kissing. Kissing. They pull apart for a moment, then Mulder kisses her again. Skinner's blushing and discreetly staring at the floor. "Come here, you big bald beautiful man," Mulder snarks, reaching out to Skinner. Skinner snips that the only thing Mulder's going to be kissing is his "ass goodbye" with all the trouble he's in. "I kind of gathered that, right around the fiftieth brainwashing session," Mulder says, putting his arms around Scully and then taking her hand in his and kissing it. Okay, can I just be totally biased and girly and completely destroy what little recapper's objectivity I have left and squeal that Mulder is totally dreamy and I want him to kiss my hand while we're trying to figure out how to spring him from the pokey and I worry about how to tell him that I farmed our miracle baby off to a bunch of farmers? Whee! Sorry.

Scully asks, worried, why they're doing this to Mulder. He just gazes at her all moony and tells her that they're preparing him for his testimony. Judging from the amount of dreamy staring we're getting in this scene, I get the impression that Mulder missed her. And why shouldn't he have missed her? She's the only person who ever listened to him, after all. Never underestimate the attraction of having someone to pay attention to your crackpot theories. ["It's the total basis of my marriage." -- Wing Chun] Skinner grumbles that Mulder's testimony isn't going to matter -- "not with the case they're building." "Not 'building' -- rigging," Mulder snorts. Skinner's like, "Exactly, dumb-ass." "You're on trial for your life," Skinner says. Mulder corrects him, saying that his trial is "a foregone conclusion." Skinner raises a brow. "What they really want is for me to admit my guilt and help them out," Mulder says. "What's really on trial is the truth." That clunking noise you just heard was that line falling flat, despite Duchovny's best efforts to save it. Scully points out rumor has it that he killed a man. "Have they produced a body?" Mulder asks. Skinner and Scully look at each other like, "Hey! Good point! Why didn't we think of that?" Mulder says out that they won't, because you can't kill a man who can't die. Scully searches Mulder's face as Skinner breaks the bad news that, body or no, the prosecution has thirty people to testify that they saw Mulder kill Noel Roooaoaoaoaoar. We KNOW! Thirty people! Willing to testify! Heard it three times already! Moving. Right ALONG!

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X-Files

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