Last recap ever. Okay, that's a lie. I'm going to recap a few classic episodes in the next month or so, but then that's it! I mean, I'm still recapping Dawson's Creek and everything, but that's all! Okay: last recap of a first run episode of The X-Files ever. And, dude, I think I'm going to miss it.
Anyway. Hour Two. Have you read Part I yet? Go read Part I and then come back. We'll wait. Go ahead.
Okay, in case you have problems with short-term memory: prison guards have just dragged Mulder back to the brig after his "you can't handle the truth!" outburst in the courtroom. They toss him inside what looks like a drunk tank -- not that I'd know what a drunk tank looks like. Although I'm about five minutes away from having to create one for the action figures. Since their lukewarm reunion just prior to the kickoff of the finale, they've climbed into the Kleenex box together to watch the television and are sharing a thimble full of Long Island Iced Tea. When I looked over there to gauge their reaction to the big smacky kiss in Part I, the Scully was tapping her front teeth and telling the Mulder that her entire mouth was totally numb. They missed the whole thing.
So, Moronica, Skinner, and Doggett are sitting around, cooling their heels and waiting for Mulder in the drunk tank. They leap to their feet when he stumbles inside. "Where's Gibson?" Mulder asks. "With Agent Scully," Moronica says, "in good hands." Because everyone knows if there's one thing Scully has proved she can handle, it's taking care of a child with unusual and possibly paranormal abilities. She'd never let a kid like that fall into the wrong hands! Although I guess this means that William's going to get a big brother over at the Kent farm. That's nice for him. Gibson can read people's minds and William can throw stones at them using his brain (magnetite, schmagnetite). They'll be a very powerful, extremely short crime-fighting team. Doggett explains to Mulder that they've talked to Gibson and they're totally sensitive to Mulder's concerns. Mulder crosses his arms tightly and announces that they shouldn't have exposed Gibson to this kind of danger, period. Skinner gruffs that they did it to protect Mulder, and that it just might have worked. According to Gibson, three of the five judges are leaning toward Mulder. And also, Kersh was thinking that he might get a TiVo, because he keeps missing Passions, and he's sure Julian Crane is going to turn up any day, with one arm and an eye patch, and if he misses that (or the reunion of Sheridan and Luis or the fight that'll occur when Luis finds out that Sheridan has amnesia and has been accidentally sleeping with his long-lost brother while living on a deserted island this whole time or the shit storm that's going to come down when Evil Zombie Charity finally sleeps with Tiny Gay Miguel and it kills him), he's going to be wicked pissed. Mulder grimaces that it'll take more than three judges leaning toward him, the way things are going. "We were never going to win," he says. Skinner glares at him and testily advises him to take the stand. Mulder, for no discernible reason, refuses. "Then we'll testify -- me and [Moronica]," Doggett announces. Mulder's all, "Ix-nay on the estifying-tay." And yet, he has no problem with Scully taking the stand? I guess he figures her career is already in ruins, what with the love child thing and all. Moronica insists that she and Doggett have seen too much to keep quiet. "No," Mulder says. "Listen to me. They'll destroy you. They'll put you out on the street." Doggett shakes his head. "What's left for us on the X-Files?" he asks. Moronica nods. "We came to this job to give it our best. That's the way we're going to leave," she says. "It's not about how good you are. They control the game. They own it," Mulder tells them. "Then let's shove it up their ass," Doggett suggests. Yes! I want to see some people getting stuff shoved up their asses right about now! I mean metaphorically, of course.