X-Files

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The Truth, Part II

The black helicopters have come ever closer. Doggett and Moronica leap into Mulder and Scully's SUV and pull it up to them. Doggett rolls down the window. "Get out of here!" Mulder yells. "Get in the car!" Doggett yells back. "No! Go!" Mulder yells. And so they do. Forever. Goodbye, Doggett and Moronica! We hated you both to begin with and now I love one of you! And the other one is even mostly okay. Okay, she's fine. I don't even want her to die anymore. If we had a tenth season, I might even call her "Monica." Okay, probably not. But go with God, kids! Go find yourselves a little gay love and be happy! And be nice to Gibson. He's had a hard time.

Mulder and Scully climb into Noel Rooaooaoaoaooooor's car, which is actually pretty smart, since the people who are after them will think it's Noel Roaoaoaooaoaoaoaoor tooling around all invincible and shit, at least for a little bit. Here's hoping they don't kill Doggett and Moronica, though, thinking they're Mulder and Scully. Nah, that won't happen. Will it? Let's just agree that it won't. It's just now occurring to me that the fate of every single character on this show is being left up in the air (with the exception of the characters who are absolutely already dead.). Skinner? Could be dead. Kersh? Might be dead. Doggett and Moronica? Possibly on their way to being killed. Gibson? Where the hell is Gibson, if Doggett was supposed to be watching him? William? On the farm with those poor uninformed Kents, just waiting for the aliens to snatch him up. Ma Scully? Well, I guess we can assume she's okay, anyway. Or can we? Mulder and Scully zip away in a cloud of dust.

Driving. Flying. Looking up in the air. Driving. Driving. Driving. Flying. And then the helicopters blow the shit out of the pueblo. I assume they think Mulder and Scully are still inside (which is ideal for our heroes, because it'll take a bit before the Powers That Be realize they weren't killed in the blast, giving them some time to figure out their next move and, yes, I know these are the last ten minutes of this show ever, but I can pretend that the story doesn't end when we fade to black, can't I? And the nice part is, if I'm making it up, then it all makes sense and people take their shirts off all the time). Anyway, the pueblo is blown to high heaven. Inside his little cave room, CSM sits and waits. He takes one last drag on his cigarette as one of the black helicopters lines itself up directly outside and lets one rip. The missile goes through CSM, blowing up right in his face. We actually see the flesh burned off his skull, right down to the bone. I'm surprised Chris Carter didn't run a subtitle under this scene reading, "Okay, everyone. CSM is TOTALLY DEAD NOW. I swear to God!" Every pueblo completely annihilated, the helicopters finally flew away. I look over at the action figures, who are passed out dead drunk in the Kleenex box. They're going to be disappointed when they come to and realize they've missed not only the fiery destruction of CSM, but that they're about to sleep through the last scene of The X-Files ever.

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X-Files

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