X-Files

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The Truth, Part II

This entire exchange does get me to wondering what Doggett and Moronica are going to do when this whole thing is over -- providing that they don't get killed in the next hour or so. They're probably out of the FBI already, which means their careers in law enforcement are more or less kaput. I guess Doggett could become a grizzled, crusty (gay) private investigator working out of his Craftsman-style bungalow in upstate New York, fighting crime and saving lives. And Moronica could be his trusty, dorky, snorts-when-she-laughs sidekick, who has the unfortunate habit of tripping at crime scenes and dropping evidence bags into the gutter. Skinner would be the eye candy. Sundays, on FOX!

Back to the trial. I guess the "shove it up their asses" argument had some pull with Mulder, because Doggett takes the stand. Skinner gets up and wanders around the courtroom, thinking. His courtroom persona leaves something to be desired. Not his fault, of course, since he's not...you know, actually a lawyer. Doggett just waits patiently. Finally, Skinner asks Doggett how he feels about "the term 'paranormal,'" after everything he's seen and experienced. Doggett shrugs that calling something "paranormal" is just a way of avoiding "the real explanation." Skinner exposits that Doggett's notes contain detailed descriptions of something a skeptic would never buy into: "These so called Super Soldiers." Hey, you know what plot point I just remembered, that never went anywhere and was never mentioned again? All that crap about the genetically engineered water, from the season opener! What the hell ever happened with that? Maybe it will be explained in the next hour. Hee. I'm sorry, excuse me. That just cracked me up. I mean, do you even think the folks at 1013 remember the water thing? Because I bet you five dollars and a tuna fish sandwich that they don't.

Wait, where were we? Right: Doggett. He calls the Super Soldiers "a whole different story" because he saw them with "[his] own eyes." Unlike, say, the ManBat or the Vomiting Shaman, which I guess he saw through someone else's eyes. Doggett reminds everyone -- for the seven thousandth time -- that Super Soldiers can't die. "They just come back to life," he explains. Skinner wonders what, exactly, the Super Soldiers are. "The best I can figure, they're some kind of secret military project. Ordinary men, made invincible," Doggett explains. Dale objects for some reason I didn't catch because I was in the kitchen, making a tuna sandwich. What can I say? It sounded good. Skinner reiterates that Noel Roaoooooaoaoooor is one of these Super Soldiers, and that because he can't be killed, Mulder can't possibly be a murderer. Dale points out that Doggett has no right to be commenting on any of this, since he didn't see the murder happen and he hasn't looked over the evidence. "That's because I've been getting the bum's rush from the government," Doggett snaps. Kersh sustains the objection. Skinner makes a very defeated face and asks Doggett how Mulder could possibly have killed Noel Rooooooaaar if Noel Rooooooaaaaaaaor is all invincible. Doggett agrees that Mulder couldn't have. Because the only way to kill a Super Soldier is with magnetite. God, why couldn't they have just stuck with the clones and the bees and the oil and virus? Because this entire Super Soldier plot line just smells incredibly tacked on. I will never understand why 1013 thought it would be a good idea to add yet another layer to the mytharc in the last two years of the series. Do they really want to drive half of us to suicide? Don't answer that. Although, while we're at it, I'd really like to know why the magnetite kills the Super Soldiers, but made William into a Real Boy, because I thought William was the first naturally born Super Solider. Or was it that he was the leader of the aliens? Maybe he just had his magical junk DNA turned on, like Gibson? But none of this explains why the Crazy Canadian Cult (or, as Gustave would say, the Krazy Kanadian Kult) wanted the head of Fox Mulder to ensure that William...oh, whatever. I've spent the last two years of my life trying to figure out William: why William? How William? Where William? What William? And now, I'm washing my hands clean of it. La la la la, the baby never happened! "And Mulder's not accused of [luring Noel Roaoaooaoaaoooor near to a source of magnetite and getting him sucked into a big rock] is he?" Skinner asks. "Um, no," Doggett says.

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X-Files

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