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Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
Can This Be Happening?

Office of the Skinman. Skinner's talking with his secretary (who looks just like Scully. Unrequited love, much, Skinner?) about Scully's travel plans ("Agent Scully will be traveling with us," he tells his assistant, "us" meaning "me and my red-hot lover, the raging gay yang to my repressed gay yin, Agent John Doggett") when Scully and Doggett arrive. "What? What is it?" Scully asks, tortured. Skinner grimly suggests that they go into his office. Scully flashes a terrified look at her boss. Skinner gruffly informs Scully that he's received news from Montana about a UFO encounter. Scully: "What kind of encounter?" In other words, was Mulder driving the space ship? If not, let me off the freaking hook here. Skinner recaps the entire kid-chasing-UFO thing we all just saw as Doggett stares at his feet because he can't believe any of this, despite having been shot dead and vomited up alive mere weeks ago. Now, that's believable. Aliens, on the other hand? That's crazy talk! Scully irritably reminds Skinner that she has piles of files about UFO encounters in her office. "What's so important about this case?" she asks. Skinner tells her that the UFO chaser is a kid named Richie Slay, a "UFO nut" she and Mulder met in Montana last spring. Skinner and Doggett peer intently at Scully, as tears start to well in her eyes. "Is this something to do with Mulder?" she whispers. Skinner spits that Richie found a woman Scully will remember -- Theresa Hosie, a young mother abducted the night before Agent Mulder was, last May. "And who was returned last night," Skinner finishes. "Returned?" Scully says, shakily. Skinner warns her that Theresa is hanging onto life by a thread.

St. Jean Hospital, Helena, Montana. That's another shout-out to me, since I was just watching Boxing Helena last night on the Independent Film Channel, the channel which proves that "independent" does not necessarily equal "good." Man, that movie reeked. It also proves my theory about Julian Sands, which is that he sold his soul to the devil to appear in A Room With A View and is now doomed to appear in total dreck for, like, the rest of his life. Sad story. Anyway. Back to The X-Files. Doggett, Skinner and Scully burst into the hospital like three trenchcoated angels of death, and are greeted by one Dr. Desai, who sighs that he wishes someone had told him they were coming, because he could have saved them the trip: Theresa is in no condition to talk to them. "What is her condition?" Scully wonders. "She's circling the drain," Desai says. Nice bedside manner you got there. Although I guess he's not technically bedside at this point. Nevertheless. Turns out Desai is disgusted -- disgusted and horrified! -- by Theresa's condition. She's been horribly mistreated. Desai grimly eyes the trio, and asks them to promise that they'll catch "whoever" did what "they" did to Theresa. Scully stares back mournfully. Why is her hair flat again? Why, God? Why hast thou forsaken thy servant, Scully, in this, her hour of need? Her need to look hot, I mean. People, she has nothing! Nothing but her full head of bouncy, flame-colored hair! From her perch on the sofa, the Scully action figure eyes me. "You need a life," she says.

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