Okay, I really hate the Absalom character. I really hate him. I think he's really amazingly dull. I really thought he'd be gone by now. And I really can never remember how to spell his name correctly and the most convenient place for me to check it is by looking on the cover of my copy of the William Faulkner novel Absalom, Absalom! and I can never find it when I need it, and it occurs to me that I could just check in my other recaps, but whatever. And I can't be bothered to recap any scene in which he appears with any kind of attention to detail because, as I mentioned, I loathe me some Absalom So I'm just going to skim over this scene, which features Absalom in prison and sadly does not include a bloody encounter with a shiv. All you need to know is: (a) there's a Music Man joke, which is such a total shout-out, because I was in a production of The Music Man my senior year in high school, which was the same year that I was the president of the drama society, thank you very much, and (b) the librarian hands Absalom a book which has press clippings about GWG taped to the inside front cover. The book is titled The Coming Apocalypse -- which is, I believe, one of the books penned by Martin Landau's character in the movie, to which I say, welcome back, Continuity! Take a seat, stay a while! The Scully action figure made lemon bars, would you li-- hello? Wait, come back! Please? Typical. Anyway, it turns out GWG was a census worker. Absalom makes his shocked face.
Kersh watches a news report about the dead stupid census worker on the tiny TV in his office. Enter Doggett and Skinner, all fresh and glowing from some love in the afternoon. They peer at the TV over Kersh's shoulder. "People are so rarely what they seem," Kersh comments cryptically before taking a seat. He explains that he received an application from Scully, on Mulder's behalf, regarding his reinstatement to the X-Files. Doggett expresses mild surprise that Mulder is so raring to get back to work. Kersh spits that he wanted the two of them to take a look at something before he denies the application. Skinner grits his teeth. Kersh hands the men a report that reviews Scully's performance with Mulder, comparing it to her performance with Doggett and proving that she and Doggett have a greater "arrest on percentage." Doggett is gobsmacked. Skinner gets steely-eyed and reminds Kersh that it isn't really fair to judge Mulder's success in terms of arrest rates because so many of Mulder's cases involved... "Aliens?" Kersh says. "Therein lies the problem. The FBI is no place for personal crusades." He wants them to make that understood on his behalf. Doggett sputters that Kersh can't possibly expect him to have to tell "Moooooulder" he's off the X Files. Kersh is all, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Skinner and Doggett exchange looks. Doggett stands up. "You sent me to find Mulder," he says. "I found him. Don't charge me with driving a stake through his heart." Kersh purses his lips. "Maybe you'd like me to close the X-Files," he grits. "Then we'd both be getting what we want." Doggett stares. Skinner stands. "Let's go, Agent Doggett," he says grimly. Stare. Stare. Stare. "Now." And Doggett obeys.