X-Files

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More Fighting of the Future

The FBI Task Force Briefing Room. 4:45 PM. Skinner's briefing the troops assigned to comb the countryside for Absalom. Blah de blah, Skinner recaps the entire first twenty minutes of the show before mentioning that the words "Fight the Future" were carved on the wall of Absalom's cell. "We don't know what [those words] mean," Skinner says ("Whatever," I say), but, he explains, Absalom "claimed to have knowledge of an alien invasion." Everyone rolls his or her eyes. In the back of the room, Scully leans against the wall, attempting to make a call on her cell phone. She's wearing the cutest maternity suit in the entire universe. Skinner is still talking to the troops, totally recapping everything we already know about Absalom, which is boring me even more than Absalom usually bores me -- which, trust me, I didn't think was possible. Basically, he wants them to find Absalom. The troops file out, complaining about the stupid wild-goose chases Skinner is always sending them on and what a nut job he is. Scully is still trying to call Doggett. "Where the hell is Agent Doggett?" Skinner asks, before sniffing that he can't run this investigation -- it's an X-File! And God knows Scully can't run the investigation, because she has nothing to do with the X-Files and is, besides, just a weak woman, useful only as an incubator for the baby that will, I fear, prove to be some kind of second coming, because, you know, Mulder is already the Christ figure with the whole died/resurrected thing we all just went through, and Scully is the Virgin Mary character, because she's all mysteriously pregnant, except she doesn't have any of the authority that the Virgin gets, at least in Catholicism, because Chris Carter has developed some kind of issue with women. She promises that she'll find Doggett ASAP. Her phone beeps. It's a text message from Mulder: Where is everybody? Come on down -- Mulder. Oh, that's so sad. Skinner and Scully exchange glances.

"Who says you can't go home again?" Mulder asks, his feet all propped up on his desk. Scully is all, what are you doing? Mulder is all, what does it look like I'm doing, mean pregnant lady? Scully snits that he's giving Kersh and his ilk "ammunition." Mulder smirks that surely he can't get in trouble just for visiting some old friends down in his (former) Lush Basement Office. He comments that he'd like to meet this Agent Doggett person. Skinner grits that they're in the middle of a manhunt, and that they want Doggett to run it. Mulder sort of nods and hold up a picture of some of Absalom's cult members, calling it the " alien abductee class picture." He points out that Stupid Census Guy is one of the abductees in the picture. Dum dum dum dum! Mulder has a hunch that Stupid Census Guy was killed because he knew too much. There's a refreshing and unique theory. Scully: Mulder, you make this sound like this is a conspiracy. Mulder: Duh. Skinner: You're paranoid. Mulder: Do you even know me? Actually, he points out that if Kersh gets his way and shuts down the X-Files, there will be no one left to ask the paranoid questions and find the case-breaking faces in photographs. "Especially not Agent Doggett," he finishes. Scully makes yet another pained face. Skinner's all, that's my boyfriend you're talking about!

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X-Files

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