Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 1 USERS: A+

Back to 1939. The ballroom. People are kicking the crap out of each other. Still. Again. Some more. Considering the fact that the Nazis have guns, the Allies are doing remarkably well. Never underestimate the power of hair-pulling and American get-up and go. That's how we plan to bring down Al Qaeda.

Split-screen: the sequel. On the 1939 side, the ass-kicking continues. On the 1998 side, we're still walking around. The Queen Mary is a bitchin' and expensive set -- we get it! We've seen six miles of corridors by this point. Eventually, Scully and the Gunmen walk into what is, for them, a deserted ballroom. The 1939 side is wiped away in favor of a full shot of 1998. Scully, interested, examines the ballroom. I have to point out that although the rest of the ship looks pretty damn good -- all polished wood and shiny warm lighting -- the ballroom looks like a bunch of Cro-Magnons used it for their Annual Woolly Mammoth-Baiting Contest. It's a mess. Which really makes no sense, but, as usual, whatever.

Back to 1939. Mulder pulls RetroScully out on deck. "What are you doing?" she asks, wrenching her hands away. "I'm going to tell you how to save this ship," he announces. "Out here?" she asks, and Mulder explains that he has to get back "to history." Which makes no sense. Isn't he really going, with apologies to the McFly family, back to the future? "What?" RetroScully asks. "And you've got to rescue it," Mulder tells her. Rescue what? Future? History? The ship? Did he get hit on the head harder than usual? "You've got to listen to me," Mulder says. "The ship's been caught in something called the Devil's Triangle. Some kind of time warp -- a rift in space." RetroScully curls her lip. "Are you crazy?" she asks. Mulder reminds her of Einstein -- a nice bit of continuity, really, bearing in mind that our present-day Scully wrote her senior thesis on Einstein's Twin Paradox and am I a total dork for knowing that right off the top of my head? Mulder reminds her that Einstein predicted the possibility of time travel. "He also predicts an atomic weapon that will destroy the world," he says. "Yeah? So what?" RetroScully eyebrows. Mulder looks at her seriously and tells her that if they don't turn the ship around, "everything Einstein predicted will come true." Was Mulder absent in class the day everyone learned that the United States dropped the bomb on Japan? Because Einstein's prediction did come true. It just didn't happen to our team. "So, if I don't turn this ship around?" RetroScully asks, wisely not asking for instructions on how to do that in the face of a bunch of Nazis, a ton of wily Brits and some crabby Jamaicans. "In all likelihood, I won't exist. And neither will you," he tells her. "So, in case we never met again," he says, and reaches out and grabs her by the back of the neck, pulling her in for a long, hard kiss. Finally, they pull apart. And RetroScully stares at him for long moment and then hauls back and punches him, hard. Ah, romance. Mulder grasps his jaw. "Ow!" Scully says, gripping her hand. "I was expecting a left," Mulder snarks. And walks off. "Hey," RetroScully calls after him, rubbing her fist. Mulder climbs over the railing and leaps into the ocean.

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