Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 2 USERS: A+

Split screen. Mulder floats underwater. RetroScully gazes at him, leaning over the railing. She tosses a life preserver into the water.

The life preserver splashes into the ocean as we go to full screen. Mulder floats calmly on the surface of the water for a brief moment before someone fishes him out.

"Mulder?" Scully asks, leaning over his hospital bed. In 1998. "Mulder, it's me," she says. He blinks his eyes open. "Where am I?" he breathes. Which I always thought was the most ridiculous line ever. Like, look around. Where do you think you are? But the last time I had blood taken, I totally passed out and I had no idea where I was when I came to. Mostly, I think, because you're used to opening your eyes in, like, your own bed (or the gutter, or wherever it is you sleep), and finding yourself in a completely alien place does lead to stupid comments. Although, how many times has Mulder opened his eyes in the hospital? Or, for that matter, in a completely alien place? Be glad you're not in the Worst Dentist's Chair in the Universe, dude. Or that you didn't fall through that hole in the loop of time and into Season Nine. "You're in a hospital," Scully obviouses. "Oh, I --" Mulder starts. "Lie still," she tells him. "Feel. Like hell," he finishes. "You'd been through the wringer, I'd say," Scully tells him. Mulder groans and wonders what the hell just happened. "You did something incredibly stupid," Scully tells him. If I had a dollar! "What did I do?" Mulder wonders. "You went looking for a ship, Mulder. In the Bermuda Triangle." Words cannot express how disgusted Scully sounds. The Lone Gunmen trickle into the hospital room. "Say that again?" Mulder asks. "Gilligan awakes," Langly says. Mulder looks at the Gunmen, then back at Scully. "You were there," he breathes. "Hmm?" Scully asks, looking down at him. "You were there," he repeats. "He's delirious," the Tin Man...I mean, "Frohike" says. Does this make Scully Mulder's Scarecrow? She certainly isn't missing a brain.

Skinner walks in, carrying a big bouquet of flowers. "And he was there, too," Mulder says, looking at Skinner. "Right, me and my dog Toto," Skinner snarks. Just in case we didn't get the parallel. Why didn't they just have CSM ride his bike past the window? "No, you were there with the Nazis," Mulder calmly explains. This prompts Scully to advise him to settle down. "It's an order," she says. "Not that he takes orders," Skinner comments wryly. "You saved the world, Scully," Mulder tells her dreamily. Scully just smiles and nods. "You're right, I did," she chirps. "What kind of drugs is he on?" Frohike asks. "I want some," Langly says, mostly to himself. Me, too. "No, no, the Queen Anne," Mulder tells Scully. "You were there with Thor's Hammer. I told you you had to turn the ship around, and then I jumped overboard." Everyone exchanges eye-rolls. "Yeah, I bet you did," Scully says, kindly. "The boat that you were on was busted into a million pieces," she explains. "As for the Queen Anne, it was nothing more than a ghost ship." Mulder shakes his head. "No, no, no," he tells her. "You. And I. Were on that ship. In 1939." Everyone raises their brows, except Scully, who's used to this. Skinner directs Mulder to get some rest, because when he's out of the hospital, Skinner's going to "kick [Mulder's] butt, but good." He leaves, taking the Gunmen with him. Mulder's just looking up at Scully, tapping her insistently on the hip. "I would have never seen you again," he says plaintively. "But you believed me." Scully leans right in and smiles at him. "In your dreams," she says. "Mulder, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to think to yourself, 'there's no place like home.'" Mulder sort of chuckles at this and Scully turns to go. He sits up and calls to her, as Mark Snow cues up Modified Theme Song (Mulder Loves Scully!). He clears his throat. She walks back to his bedside and looks at him expectantly. "Yes?" she asks. "I love you," Mulder says. "Oh, brother," Scully groans and walks away. Mulder watches her go, looking somewhat addled. He lies back down, right on his shiner. He gasps and touches his puffy eye. Which is from, you know, RetroScully punching him. Or getting smacked on the face with a 2 by 4. Whichever. Mulder sort of smiles to himself, and we screen wipe to darkness.

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