X-Files

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The Nazis drag Mulder all the way down the hallway and then down out onto the deck, where it's still pouring rain. The Nazis drop Mulder on the deck and kick the shit out of him. Finally, Mulder flips on one of the Germans and lands a punch. The other Nazis quickly pull him off their countryman and yell at him in German. "Same to you, Adolf!" Mulder yells in return. Oh, good comeback. The Nazis hustle Mulder out of the rain and below decks, where oodles of other Nazis lounge around, cackling evilly and smoking unfiltered cigarettes and rubbing their hands together and practicing their ways of making us talk. It's like NaziCon 1939. They circle Captain Irish, menacingly. The head Nazi dude (that was their official military title, by the way) is derisively spitting something at the good captain. Captain Irish dramatically proclaims that he will never give up his ship! Never! "You can put me down, man, but I'll not let go this wheel!" he announces. "So, 'til we meet in hell!" And he spits in the Head Nazi Dude's general direction. Head Nazi Dude simply turns to one of his henchmen and has Captain Irish shot. That nasty little task out of the way, Head Nazi Dude places a cigarette in his mouth and turns around to give Mulder the once-over. He is, of course, CSM. Let's not even discuss the fact that CSM himself -- C.G.B. Spender -- was actually alive during World War II and couldn't possibly have been a Nazi (or that old) because that way, madness lies. Well, more madness. Mulder's mouth drops open. "You," he breathes. Herr CSM exhales and says something in German. "No sprechen," Mulder spits. CSM replies in German. "I don't speak Nazi," Mulder yells. CSM instructs his henchman to shoot Mulder. "Wait a minute! Why are you shooting me?" Mulder asks. Um, not that I'm all down with the Nazis or anything, but you did attack one of their dudes and steal his uniform to infiltrate their ranks. Clearly, they'd assume you were a spy. What did they teach you at Oxford, sweetpea? ["Plus, they're Nazis. Since when did they ever need a reason to shoot someone?" -- Wing Chun] More German. "I don't understand what you're asking me," Mulder says. After much, much more German, none of which I can grasp, Skinner -- in a Nazi uniform! -- stomps inside and hands CSM Mulder's FBI badge, saying something involving the word "American." Mulder stares at Skinner as the Nazis haul him away. "Skinner? Where are they taking me? Help me, Skinner!" he yelps. They drag him offscreen.

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X-Files

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