X-Files

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Meat Loaf is standing on the porch looking remarkably shifty. I wouldn't even have opened the door, so shifty does he look. He stutters that he's there to fix the cable. "I don't think so," Adolescent Girl says. Meat Loaf makes a series of really pained faces and turns to go, and AG makes a face like she's sorry she offended this nutball and stops him, saying that maybe her dad called him in. "Dad! Cable guy's here!" she yells, and then stomps back to her phone call. Meat Loaf stands alone in the den and leans heavily on the television. Dad finally comes tripping down the stairs. He looks vaguely like Jack McKay. He's not, but I'm going to call him Jack anyway. It won't be for long. "Help you?" Jack asks. "Problem with your cable?" Meat Loaf grunts. Jack shrugs. He was just watching television upstairs, he says, so he thinks Meat Loaf has the wrong house. "Is that your work order?" asks Jack. "Who called it in?" Meat Loaf stares down at the aforementioned work order. Which is shortly thereafter splashed with blood. He looks up again to see Jack sprawled in a pool of blood on the floor. In the kitchen, Mom and AG have been similarly dispatched, AG's Esprit sweater a calm oasis in this sea of nothingness. ["Hell yeah it is!" -- Wing Chun] Meat Loaf makes a vaguely horrified look right before the cops break down the door. "God Almighty," the first one grouses. He grabs Meat Loaf by the scuff of the neck and tosses him against the wall. "Johnny, check the other room," he yells. Johnny by the way, is our man Doggett, all decked out in an NYPD uniform and cute little hat. "They're all dead," he says slowly. "But we got you," he says to Meat Loaf. "Got you, you bastard!"

Credits. I must say that I would have liked to have seen a brief little flashback of what the rest of our players were doing while Doggett was making this collar. Scully was probably still at Quantico, taking notes on her notes and dreaming of the day when she would be assigned to the FBI's Most Unwanted. Mulder was, I presume, still a profiler in Violent Crimes, racking up massive charges on his Visa calling 976 numbers. Moronica, as we know, was a roadie for the Indigo Girls.

Speaking of Moronica, the elevator discharges her on the basement floor with a cheerful "ding!" Her hair looks horrid. What's with all those layers? She looks like she fell headfirst into a wood chipper. In the LBO, Doggett is yelling into the phone. "I don't care what it shows! It's wrong! I was there, we got the right guy!" he hollers. "An X-File?" Moronica mouths. Doggett shakes his head and hands her a newspaper. The headline reads, "DNA Clears Screwdriver Killer." Doggett hangs up the phone, grousing that the "jackoff" Assistant District Attorney on the other end of the line was "probably in ninth grade when this happened." Moronica's all, "What is up with you?" Doggett runs down his sad tale, telling her that he caught this serial killer many moons ago when he was a beat cop, and now they're letting the guy out of jail. He thinks it's a "lab mistake." Moronica watches as Doggett gets all emotional, saying that he can still remember the sound of blood squishing under his shoes. "And [Meat Loaf's] just standing there!" he says. Moronica non-helpfully points out that Doggett didn't technically catch Meat Loaf in the act. Doggett grouses that they were close enough.

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X-Files

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