X-Files

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Jane's Home for Wayward Serial Killers, 10:12 PM. More praying. Jane walks right into Meat Loaf's room, no knocking, and stares at him. After a long moment, she clears her throat. Man, she's lucky he wasn't naked. Or worse. I mean, the man was in jail. After apologizing for not respecting his privacy, Jane mentions that she knows Meat Loaf once studied to be a priest. "I think it's wonderful that all you've been through hasn't diminished your faith," she murmurs. "I pray all the time. I pray even when it looks like I'm not praying," Meat Loaf tells her. Jane chirps that she's sure someone's listening. And then she skips out of the room. Once the door is closed, Meat Loaf turns to see BOB II staring at him menacingly (of course). "No, please don't hurt her," Meat Loaf pleads. BOB II smacks Meat Loaf, takes out his super-trusty Screwdriver of Death, and leaves Meat Loaf wailing in the fetal position on the carpet.

Courthouse Action. Doggett's poring over the files. Enter Scully. "You been here all night?" she asks. Doggett shrugs. She tells him that the second round of DNA testing has come in, and that it confirms the original result. Poor sad obsessive Needs a Hobby Doggett's face falls. He brightens slightly when Scully tells him that, interestingly enough, the killer's DNA is remarkably similar to Meat Loaf's. So similar, in fact, that the killer must be Meat Loaf's sibling or parent. Doggett sputters that Meat Loaf's an only child, and that his parents are dead. "I know," Scully says. Doggett points out that what Scully's saying is impossible, impossible! "And yet, somehow, it's true," Scully says. "Somehow," my ass. Clearly, as in the Judith Krantz novel Princess Daisy, Meat Loaf has a secret twin. And the secret twin has escaped from the asylum in which he was tragically imprisoned by his evil and unfeeling guardian and is now having his revenge by framing the only member of his family left to blame: his twin brother, Meat Loaf!

Jane's Home for Unsavory Houseguests. Meat Loaf is sleeping on the carpet of his room, his rosary clenched in his hand. Jane slams open the door. She looks pissed. She tells him to get dressed and come downstairs.

Meat Loaf meets Jane in the kitchen. Jane stiffly informs him that someone rifled through her dresser drawers last night, and that she did not appreciate that invasion of her privacy! Despite the fact that she's opened his bedroom door without knocking twice already. "You weren't home last night?" Meat Loaf stammers. She thinks he knows she wasn't. "With freedom comes responsibility," she smarms, then takes off for work, telling Meat Loaf to make his own breakfast, since Mrs. Dowdy seems to be running late.

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X-Files

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