Doggett pull his Sensible, Yet Manly Rental Car up to the front of the cult members' Victorian Compound, where he is met by one Walter "ÜberManly" Skinner. Doggett tells Skinner that Scully is "running late," although surely Skinner knows that Scully is in the hospital, since he called her first about the cult members. Scully tosses the Exposition Fairy Tiara in a long, tight spiral to Skinner, who catches it neatly, and tells Doggett that he had the agents watching the cult because they were suspected of dealing in narcotics. "We never expected this," Skinner deadpans, taking Doggett to SpongeBob's squad car. Where SpongeBob sits. All dead. Bloody. Ax-blow-to-the-head bloody. Skinner informs Doggett that the squad car was locked. Doggett examines the body, and hypothesizes that the killing couldn't have taken place in the car, for any number of boring forensic reasons. Skinner's like, whatever. He tells Doggett that if he thinks this is whack, he needs to see the shit that went down inside the house. "This is damn weird," Doggett drawls, a truly meta statement on the show as a whole if ever I heard one. Skinner trots into the house. Doggett thoughtfully looks at SpongeBob.
Inside the Room of Death, Skinner and Doggett stare at the bloody scalp of one of the cult members. Exposition, winded and sweating, holds a hand to his solar plexus and asks plaintively if he can stop for just one second. I tell him play through the pain, as Skinner informs Doggett that all of the cult members died from the same wounds SpongeBob suffered: a deep blow to the head. Exposition starts to wheeze, as Skinner takes Doggett into the next room to show him a shrine to the cult leader, Anthony Tipet, who, he says, is missing. "Tipet," Skinner sniffs, "is a convicted murder who claims to have found God. We didn't think we were dealing with an apocalyptic cult." Exposition hacks. Doggett touches part of the shrine, which has an eye painted on it in gold paint. Doggett wonders if the cult members were drugged, drawling that it's unlikely they all would have allowed Tipet to hack their brains in without a peep. Skinner replies that he's running a tox screen on the victims. Doggett suggests he include the agent in the screen. They stare at each other. If it gets any more manly in here, I'm going to grow a penis. A balding older agent sticks his head in the room and tells Skinner that they can't find the second agent -- Stedman, whom Doggett conveniently knows. Doggett suggests they "check [Stedman's] condo," explaining that Stedman is from Pittsburgh, and keeps a condo that used to belong to his parents. "My GAWD," spits Exposition. "Can I SIT DOWN now?" I tell him to take a load off, and pat the sofa cushion next to me. Exposition is kind of cute.













Comments