Episode Report Card
Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now!

Oil rig. Biff attempts to fix the radio. There's a weird sound - a high-frequency interference -- that he can't get rid of, as he explains to Foreman, who is acting so bloody suspicious I wonder why he doesn't just put on a t-shirt that says "I know more than I'm telling. Ask me how!" Biff comments that, in order to get rid of the interference, he needs to power down and restart. Foreman is dead set against that. So he throws Biff across the room, wrestles him to the ground, and vomits the black oil from his mouth and eyes into all of Biff's facial orifices. Biff just opens his mouth like a baby bird. Dude, when people vomit in my face, I make sure my eyes and mouth are closed up real tight. ["Y'all, that's true, but please don't ask me how I know." -- Wing Chun]

So a Marine operator tries to place a call to the Rig. There's no answer, because Biff is, you know, whatever. After a moment, though, he comes to and answers the phone. But you know he's evil now. Or possessed. Or, well, again, whatever. You know, it's hard to write a recap when you have no idea what's going on, but it's even harder to write a recap when it seems like the writers have no idea what's going on. Scully's on the line. She needs to speak to Doggett, she says. "I'm ready to take that message," Biff says, robotically. No, Scully explains, she needs to speak to Doggett directly. A manly hand falls on Biff's shoulder. "I got it," Mulder says. He sits down. "Mulder?" Scully asks. "I was just in the neighborhood," he smiles. Scully, exasperated, says for the millionth time that "it's not like old times," and that Mulder can't just run off the way he used to. Mulder sort of sighs. "They need me out here, Scully. You know that better than anyone," he says. On the other end, Scully looks tired and exasperated. "Mulllllllder," she sighs evocatively. That sigh conveyed all sorts of things, from a wish that Mulder would grow up because she needs him at home, to being exhausted by his antics, to being frustrated, because this time, he's probably right. "I hate to say it, but as of this morning, I have to agree," she says, finally, sort of closing her eyes. Mulder figures that she found something in the victim's body: "The virus," he says. "Yes, and it's dead," Scully says. She doesn't know what killed it, but she does know that Mulder and Doggett need to get off the ship. "We need to quarantine the ship," Mulder says. Scully sighs again. She tells them just to get off the ship, and that they'll quarantine them on shore. Mulder says that will never work, but doesn't explain why not. He tells her that she has the body, and with it, all the clues. "Figure out what kills the virus," he says. Scully looks pained. "What if I can't?" she asks. Mulder half-smiles. "Well, when he gets old enough, tell the kid I went down swinging." Scully sighs and rolls her eyes. Dude, she needs your help at home, with the baby! You're a father now! You have responsibilities! You can't run off everywhere on a whim anymore! This is all so Lifetime! "Let me talk to Doggett," Scully says. Mulder wrinkles his face up a little bit. "He's not here," he says, but, naturally, Doggett is right behind him. "Who's on the radio?" Doggett asks. "Who are you talking to?" And Mulder just hangs up on Scully and walks out of the room. Dude, Mulder, I love you, but...don't hang up on the pregnant lady. "Cut us a little slack here," the Mulder action figure says. "Being buried alive is really traumatic."

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