X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
William

The files are in Scully's closet. Scully heaves them out and plops them on the bed. "You trust me," Crispy says. Scully doesn't say anything, although everyone in the viewing audience yells, "Trust no one!" She purses her lips and walks out of the room. Crispy adjusts his wig. I wonder why Mulder and Scully would remove those particular files since this whole Super-Solider/Aliens in the Government plot twist was kicked off after Mulder left town, but I'm sure all will be revealed. Right? Right? Hello? Wait, where are you going?

At this moment, the Mulder action figure comes running out of his shoebox office, a red scrap of fabric stuffed in his Kung Fu Flashlight Grip. "The Scully's plastic blood is all over this!" he tells me. "Whomever kidnapped her must have been wearing red pleather. But who? According to my profile, the perp is very invested in maintaining the appearance of virtue, while, in reality, he or she is not that innocent. And they have a red pleather ensemble. Who could that possibly be? And what do they want with Scully?" I look at him. "I can barely follow the show, much less your little drama," I say. He's not listening. He's leafing through the profile and muttering something about hitting something one more time.

Scully's living room. "What are you doing?" Moronica asks quietly. "Proving Agent Doggett wrong," Scully says. "That's not Mulder in there." Moronica doesn't get it. "Mulder and I agreed to take those files out of the X-Files office and leave them here for safe keeping," Scully explains, sotto voce. "Mulder would have known where they were. And that man in there didn't." Dum dum dum dum!

Scully's wandering around the apartment nervously when William starts to cry. She goes into the nursery, and finds Crispy standing over the crib, reaching out to her son. "What are you doing? Get away from the crib!" she yelps. "He was crying," Crispy explains plaintively. "That's none of your business," Scully snaps, picking up the baby and tossing Crispy a nervous glance. Crispy apologizes sadly, and explains that Mulder's told him so much about William. "Mulder told me how he missed him," Crispy says. "Well, if that's true, where the hell is he?" Scully snaps. And it's about time! How the hell long does it take for a man to pick up a pint of Chubby Hubby and the goddamned dry cleaning? Crispy makes a sad face. "Just tell me where he is?" Scully finally asks, quietly. "You don't want to know," Crispy says. "I have to know!" she insists, cradling the baby against her protectively. "He's in pain, terrible pain," Crispy admits. Scully looks anguished. "Then let me go to him," she pleads. Crispy tells her there's nothing she can do. "It's not for you to decide," she spits. Crispy looks at her for a moment, before telling her that she knows as well as he does that it's Mulder's call. "And I -- he begged me to honor it. For your safety and William's." Scully darts a quick glance at him, shaken by the slip-up. Could this guy really be Mulder? No! Why would they make Mulder ugly? Seriously, forget last week. That would be the ultimate "screw you" to the fans.

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X-Files

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