X-Files

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Doggett! Part Deux

Back at the School In the Middle of Nowhere, all the children have been evacuated, and are standing, bored, in a series of lines in the schoolyard, as Doggett's Henchmen search the school. Gibson's Sympathetic Classmate from last week (phew! Thank God I was sharp enough last week to mention Sympathetic Classmate, who I think is a girl, but who might be one of those girly-looking boys with a proto-shag hairdo, like the kid in that stupid movie with Arnold Schwartznegger, The Last Action Hero. Whatever. I think she's a she, and I'm sticking with that) eyes the Feebees.

Doggett swerves up in his sporty SUV, and hops out of the passenger side before the car comes to a complete halt. He's so manly, in the face of vehicular danger. Henchman #1 tells him that there's been no sign of Mulder on schoolgrounds. Sympathetic Classmate stares long and hard at Doggett, as he suggests they search the school again.

Inside the school, "Mulder" and his truly disgusting broken arm enter the science lab. He snaps his elbow back into the correct position with a crunch, and morphs right into Alien Bounty Hunter guy, who's wearing a really sharp black polo. Welcome to The X-Files, brought to you tonight by The GAP. Get abducted into the GAP. Of Course, just as Alien Bounty Hunter stalks off -- into a corner of the classroom? To make a potato clock? To write "Mr. Alien Bounty Hunter" on the chalkboard? No one knows -- Doggett pokes his head in the room, and calls to ABH, who turns around wearing the face of one of the schoolteachers. Doggett looks totally flummoxed. "Weren't you? Aren't you --" he stutters, "I thought we cleared you out." ABH School Teacher just nods. Please note that the Alien Bounty Hunter is not speaking. In fact, I have never seen an Alien Bounty Hunter speak, that I can recall, although, God only knows, I can't remember every single episode of the last five thousand seasons of this God-forsaken show. Henchman #1 sticks his head in the room and asks Doggett if he "found anything." Doggett tells him to keep looking, and, with a long stare at the "School Teacher," leaves the lab.

The henchmen are all over the school, as Skinner and Scully arrive. Skinner wonders how Doggett got to the School in the Middle of Nowhere before they did, yesterday, anyway. Scully tersely comments that she doesn't know, and complains that Doggett isn't going to find what he's looking for, anyway. Oh, so Doggett is going about this the wrong way? Oh, God, why didn't you say so in the first place? I was so very confused, but now, all is clear to me. Skinner's pants are still belted way too high. Scully morosely comments that the Alien Bounty Hunter is long gone, and "where ever he is, he's three steps ahead of us." Skinner doesn't reply, not because he's long since tuned out Scully's world-weary ramblings, but because he's watching Sympathetic Classmate get on her bike and motor off across the desert. Wow, great security at the School in the Middle of Nowhere, especially considering the fact that it's crawling not only with teachers, but with FBI agents. You'd think they could keep all the kids on school grounds, my God. Out of the corner of his eye, Skinner notices an agent approaching them. He tells Scully to "start walking."

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X-Files

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