So no wonder this stupid show is two hours again this week. Approximately half of that is rehashing what happened last season, and then last week. Because, you know, there would be absolutely no way anyone could follow the byzantine twists and turns of this show without spending half-an-hour revisiting such highlights as Renee blathering on and on about her vision boards, wherein she cuts words out of magazines, representing things she wants, and pastes them on a board, which most people stopped doing in, like eighth grade. And who could forget when Jackie was drunk and talked about how awesome she is? I'm sure that'll come into play tonight, so it's a good thing they showed that to us again. Not to mention all the highlights of everything that's coming up tonight, which most shows stopped doing in the '80s. But it's not because they can't fill two hours of material, right?
So much for my new year's resolution to get my blood pressure down.
It's the night after the cocktail party, which means it's time for Ty to get shipped off back home to be with his mom. It's going to be hard enough getting to know fifteen women without your kid cramping your style. Yeah, it's best that Ty goes home now. He's much too mature for the shenanigans that are about to ensue.
"I just hope one of [these fifteen amazing women] is going to be special enough to bring into Ty's life," he says.
And here come the women! Chris Harrison welcomes them in the driveway of their new home, congratulating them on being the fifteen women, out of the thousands who want Jason, who he wants to get to know better. The women all smile and applaud themselves, like they've actually ACCOMPLISHED something. Then he encourages them to go check out their new home, and then is almost trampled in the ensuing stampede. The women tear through the house like they get to keep it, and act like they've never seen bathtubs or swimming pools. And apparently they snoop through each others' luggage, because someone is quite surprised to find a suitcase filled with just shoes. "I'm just going to live out of my suitcase until he proposes," says ... I want to say, Erica?
Eventually, Chris herds them all into the living room, where he goes over the rules, which are the same as they've always been. And I don't know what time of day it is, but of course everyone is drinking already. Anyway, there will be group dates, wherein someone gets a rose, and there will be individual dates, and if you don't earn a rose there you will be going home. But there's something a little different this year: not every woman will be going on a date every week. Naomi's thoughtful analysis: That's going to "suck" for whoever doesn't get to go on a date.